Spam Thread Mk. III

...aaaaaaand we're back!

 

HUZZAH!

 

alternatives for MSE, anyone?

 

MSE?

 

Microsoft Security Essentials

 

RAPE
A Fanfic About Rape
(In Which There Is Rape)

Chapter 1 - There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's rape.

It had been quite some time since Il Palazzo had last left the ACROSS base. He had wrapped himself up so tightly in his plans for conquest that it became difficult to do anything else, and after all, he had no need to walk the streets with the commoners. Also, he had forgotton where the door was.

But even amidst the corruption, there were the things in the outside world that called to Il Palazzo. There were the incredulous stares of the ignorant masses, obviously awed by the grandeur of his presence. There was the night sky, dotted with stars... the conquerors of the past looked down on him from those stars. Not to mention pizza. Could it be any surprise that his midnight stroll escalated into an unplanned vacation, the duration of which lasted several weeks? Perhaps he should have phoned his subordinates regarding the delay in his return, but they were capable women. Surely his absence could not go so far as to, say, drive one of them to psychosis!

And yet, something bothered him as he moved through the dark of the ACROSS base that night. Not the darkness itself (as he had forgotten to pay the bill again), but something less tangible. Perhaps it was his sketchily-defined sixth sense, or perhaps the story needed a ratchet in tension, but he could no more deny the feeling than he could his own greatness.

"TOWARD DOWN DOWN-TOWARD FIERCE!" came a shrill voice behind him, and he turned to tell it that one did not need to scream the buttons to execute a Dragon Punch. But it is difficult to speak when you are being Dragon Punched.

Il Palazzo looked into the face of his attacker, and knew that were he ever to play video games with the first of his subordinates, he would lose.

"Excel," he said, daintily wiping blood from the corner of his mouth with his monogrammed handkerchief. "If you had deigned to read the ACROSS handbook, specifically the chapter regarding appropriate conduct between a subordinate and her superior-"

"BITCHSLAP!" Excel announced. She had obviously not read the chapter.

Il Palazzo decided to put a stop to this wanton insubordination. He summoned forth his greatest asset, his one true ally and only friend: the rope.

But the rope did not come. It left him waiting, arm hung aloft, a rope-shape void in the palm of his hand.

"HAY LORPLASSHO," said Excel, whose breath indicated a blood proof rivaling Everclear. "S'LONG'S I GOT BEIN' PISS-ASSH DRUNK I'MMA FORESHAKE ENOUGH CHARACTERISHATION SO'S NOT T'MONOLOGUE 'BOUT TOPICSH LOOSHELY-TO-NOT-AT-ALL CONNECTED TO TH'PLOT GOIN' ON AND ON INTO THINGS THAT ARE SHEEMINGLY RANDOM BUT MORE LIKE ARCHETYPESH AN' REFERNSHES TO EXTREME MARINE BIOLOGY AN' MY PREVIOUSH LIFE AS A-"

"Excel. You are doing that right now."

"Oh yeah," she admitted with a nervous rub of the head. "Sorry! New to this whole 'forcible sexual relations' bit. Hey, look what I have!"

Il Palazzo peered at the object in her hands, and his two-sizes-too-small, black coal heart froze in place.

"Tha'sh right!" she said, remembering her drunken accent once more. "It'sh yer ROPE!"

Il Palazzo could not deny the truth of her words any more than he could the well-tailored fashion of his conquerer's wardrobe. There it was, taut in her hands... the rope. The thought of someone else touching it like that made Il Palazzo feel violated in ways he never had before. At that moment, he knew that he could not win. No illegal firearm, no deus ex machina psychic power, nothing could save him now. It was ironic that it would be Excel who knew her lord's one weakness... his own rope.

Just like Wonder Woman.

But not even Wonder Woman had it like this. As Excel bereaved him of all seven layers of underwear and proceeded to violate his nubile flesh, his mind receded into itself and he thought...

This is almost as bad as episode 26.

 

Cool story, bro.

 

Haha, right. People don't read nowadays.

 

Ehh...wut?

 

Yo bro's. Wassaaaap.

 

holuri

 

I thought Maplestory Europe -.-

 

Avast.

 

tea is meant to be hot

 

What happened to your 'OMG I LOVE ICE TEA' attitude?

 

the REAL question is what happened to your avatar (jk)

......my graffiti is looking good....xD

 

Whooo I won a beta key for Ghost Recon Future Soldier

Moomins are srs bsns.
Like tentacle faces and octopuses.

 

I love the spam thread
Such a fun read.

 

^ I know right ;D

 

It's fun until someone does.

Then it gets more fun.