Modifying your babies

Sure am. I don't play with my ears for what amounts to a couple hours a week.

Anyway, who the fuck cares? I asked my circumcised friend whether he found it to be traumatic at all. You know what he said?

"I was a baby, why do you expect me to remember?"

Simple as that. Whether it's for cultural or medical reasons, it's not going to traumatise someone because at that point in time their brains aren't capable of making the necessary connections to do with long-term memory. What are the real ramifications of circumcision? Likely a decreased risk of UTI, a slight hit on your glans' sensitivity and an easier deal to wash things up. Making a huge deal about it and calling it a physical violation seems to me - and let's face it, I have a penis and you don't - to be a distinct overstatement. It's your right to think that way, sure. But when I can honestly say I don't give a shit about whether I'd gotten the snip or not when I was too young to remember it, and the overwhelming male opinion in this topic is the same, I think we can come to the conclusion that it's really not as big a deal as you make it out to be.

With that in mind, my sisters didn't get their ears pierced until they were old enough to ask for it - and they're girls, so they did. Piercing someone's ears at birth seems stupid for growth-related reasons, but when the kid is old enough to decide that's what they want? Sure, go right ahead.

 

You totally missed my entire point.

 

It's probably because there's no actual reason why women have to pierce their ears besides decorations.

 

What exactly was that, again? I got lost somewhere between "spanking is bad" and "foreskin removal is traumatic".

 

That what they do or don't remember or how messed up or not when they grow up isn't the point - that babies and children deserve the respect and dignity we give any other human being, that being they should be the ones to decide what happens to their own bodies and shouldn't be put through painful, risky or traumatic procedures for no good, medical reason. Nor should they be assaulted by people several times their size.

I'd love to be able to say "maybe when you hold your own newborn infant in your arms and swear to protect him or her you'll understand" except it's the parents of those newborns who hand them over to be circumcised or have holes punched in their ears or hit them, so...yeah.

 

you know something, if my mom didnt break my leg, i would not break my stealing habit, so i may end up being a low life theft and end up being in prison... so in a way, she did protect me.

 

Funny how that shit works.

 

While I agree about piercings, circumcision is a cultural deal that - unlike beating the shit out of someone - actually has proven benefits for the recipient. Given that there are no discernable drawbacks aside from a constructed view of dignity and suchlike (I'm discounting malpractice because I really haven't been supplied with evidence to prove to me beyond reasonable doubt that it's an endemic problem), the decision to do so or not is totally the decision of the parent/guardian who is legally empowered to make decisions like that for their child.

As for physical discipline? I was smacked as a child when I was being a little shit. I was slapped as a teenager a couple of times when I went too far. Has it fucked me over? Far from it. Thing is, as a kid your reasoning centers are not fully formed. You are actually incapable of doing higher-level reasoning beyond the present, especially when those big emotions come into play. You ever tried talking a kid down from a full-blown tantrum? Damn near impossible without conceding to what they want, which is exactly the wrong thing to do when it comes to discipline? Do kids have rights? Sure. But when you've exhausted every option, a single slap on the backside speaks to the old carrot-and-stick part of our brains. You act like a little shit? You get a smack. That's how I was brought up, it's how my sisters were brought up, and I daresay we're much better for it.

With that said, it was always a last resort. I certainly don't support the people who get physical over the smallest things. Smacking a child is still a situation of considerable gravity that one needs to appreciate. My parents never liked doing it, I'd never enjoy doing it, and that's the mindset that you need.

Spoiler

I shoot blanks. I will never have children.

Misplaced appeal to empathy there.

 

Add me to both.
Spanking is good, going too far is not. A sore backside only hurts for 10 minutes, its a perfectly good and decent way to discipline naughty children that don't respond to being told.

 

When you get spanked, you're not thinking "My parents are abusive", you just associate the (short term) pain with what you did.
Steal stuff? Get smacked.
Be a brat? Get smacked.
Shove your sister's face into her birthday cake? Smacked.

And so you don't do it again, for fear of being hit.

 

My 3 year old cousin was ran over INTENTIONALLY by a boy in a bike who think he's rich and whom I deduced to have never been spanked. After the boy ran over my poor cousin, the mother of that boy spoke gently to that brat, "Oh no, don't do that". Thing is, that boy always boasts about his possessions, a Wii, a DS, PSP or something. While my cousin only has my Gameboy Micro to play with. How me and my aunt wanted to smack that kid ourselves. Maybe even the parents, for poorly raising that brat.

 

My son is four years old and i have never once laid a hand on him. He also has access to a Wii, a DSi, an iPad and a computer which he can play with at his leisure. I've been on the other side of tantrums, albeit rarely, and have never had to resort of hitting or screaming or losing control of myself. He is respectful to others because we are respectful to him. He doesn't feel the need to resort to bad behavior for attention because we stay onto of praising his good behavior. Just because he doesn't get hit or has a plethora or technology at his fingertips if he wants it doesn't mean he's spoiled or a brat. he respects people and also his toys and our devices.

When small children have tantrums, most of the time they have lost control of their own emotions. They can't control themselves the way we (mostly) can and become overwhelmed. You only add to the chaos by losing control yourself. If a child is having a tantrum as a means of manipulation, when you start hitting and yelling, you've lost control of the situation. So yes, I have been there when a kid has a tantrum and I have most certainly been able to resolve the situation without resorting to physical assault. It's really not that hard, it just requires patience and empathy, two things parents should have an abundance of but unfortunately many don't. As evidenced here, apparently.

 

Possibly because you gave sufficient attention to that child, making him a respecting person.

As for the brat, who wouldn't punish the child or at least chastise him for running over my cousin with a bike without ever saying sorry? As stated before, the mother only said calmly, "Oh no,*insert name*, don't do that".

No chastising, no punishing, no reasoning, as if the mother never cared!

 

So I have no patience or empathy? I can't control myself? I lose control of the situation if I spank my child? You speak so much shit its unreal, do you live in the real world?
When your child gets older and goes to school he will meet other kids that don't have the same upbringing as him and spending 8 hours a day with them will rub off and affect his behaviour.

 

For all you know, that mother could have brought the kid home and kicked his ass and maybe thats why he's violent to begin with. You can't make assumptions based on one short interaction.
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Like I said, I'm not talking out of my ass - I HAVE a child and have not, nor will I, ever lay a hand on him. You can't get much more "real" than being a parent and raising another human being. And I'm sorry, but spanking is a loss of control, yes. And if you're incapable of understanding how frightening and intimidating a grown adult physically punishing a small child would be, than yes, you also lack empathy.

And when my child is influenced by other kids I'll deal with it the same way I've always dealt with him. I won't have to suddenly start hitting him in order to get his attention.

 

Then I'm surprised the kid would get a Wii for being such a brat. C'mon, he BOASTS to my cousin, according to my aunt, my uncle and my cousin himself, then he insults him.

My point is, the kid hasn't received much attention, given that the mother calmly asked the boy to "Don't do that". CALMLY! Not every parent is the same, and gives full attention to their children, like you. The parents are both working, so it's not that hard to deduce that the kid lacks attention.

 

And I HAVE a child almost twice the age of yours and have more experience than you. I have never ever lost control, I have never lost my temper with her. What makes you think people that spank lose control? and I do understand that it is slightly frightening when been spanked as a child, I had it god knows how many times but by the age of about 8 I just laughed because it didn't hurt anymore. So don't even attempt to say I don't understand because I do, more than you clearly.
And when your son is old enough to walk all over you he will because a nice talk with mummy just won't cut it.

To be honest, im bored of your condesending attitude, narrow minded views and downright rudeness on this forum.
Don't ever try to imply somebody is doing it wrong just because its not how you like it done and don't ever tell anybody they have a lack of patience, empathy or control when you know nothing of them or their circumstances.

My daughter does none of that and see's none of it from myself or her mother. We seem to be doing fine.

 

I think people who spank lose control because they can't come up with any better way to deal with their own children besides hitting. And in the adult world, when someone doesn't fit your behavioral expectations, if you were to hit them you'd be charged with assault, rightly. To take something you'd never do to another adult and inflict it on a small child is at most a total loss of control and at the very least, bullying.

Kids have their own personalities. When my child grows up and starts to really embrace his individuality I'll respect that and expect the same respect in return. So far I've lived through baby years, toddler years, "terrible twos" and now he's headed to school...and in all that time I've never had to hit him. If you think that my lack of putting my hand only child in violence means he's going to "walk all over me" ...well, we'll see about that. I happen to believe that there are better ways to earn your child's respect than through hitting, intimidation and fear. And so far it's working just fine.
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And by the way, your over-the-top defensiveness and insults speak volumes about how you really feel about your stance on spanking. It's called guilt. Work thorugh it with a therapist or something.

 

Why do you keep confusing discipline with violence and physical abuse? A spank on the backside has no risks or any chance of permanent damage.
Also kids need to experience fear, intimidation and all the other emotions or they won't be able to deal with it in the real world when it happens and mummy can't hold their hand, sheltering them too much is actually holding them back.

I have no guilt because I have never hurt my daughter, you don't seem to understand the difference between a spank and abuse. And I have not said any insults.

 

It must be nice to be so idealistic.