Jokes

Code:

aren't you tired of double posting??... it's the third time in the same thread...

 

Seeing as how this is basically a spam board anyways, I don't really see the problem with him double-posting in here.

Mind you, this is just my personal view of it, so take it as you will.

 

well if i put all the joke in one post it would be very hard to read..and would be a very long list

 

It hurts me anywhere, since I already asked him to stop. :-\

 

Well ok i stop double posting but it will be a very long list you know if i write everything together

 

If you're looking for a long list, check this out: https://www.romulation.org/forum/index.php/topic,4139.0.html

 

This board should LIVE!

 

and why is that so

 

going on with the jokes before anyone looses intrest..... this isnt mine by the way.....

As I was walking along I saw this kid, who couldnt be older than ten years of age, littering in the park. I goes up to him, and being an adult, tells him to put his litter in the garbage bin. He then turns around and yells at me "well if I dont litter then the garbageman will be out of a job!!!" I was stunned and with nothing to say back. As I was walking away an idea just came into my mind on how I should have reacted. I should have picked up a rock and smashed his little face in! Im not condoling violence or anything but if I didnt the peramedics would be out of a job.

 

Haha, nice, imagine a comeback:

Hey kid, you know I should beat you up right here, or else the paramedics would be out of a job

 

I would go to a witch doctor instead they can do more than just heal me....

 

Oh i have one.NOTE FOR ADULTD ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREENJOKES

Mature level
There are 3 sisters and 1 priest on a monastary.

On the morning, The 1st sister met the priest
1st sister: Bless me father because i have sinned, I have seen a p______s of a man.
The father replied, Pray 10 our father and wash youe eyes with a holy water.

On the afternoon, The 2nd sister met the priest
1st sister: Bless me father because i have sinned, I have touched a p______s of a man.
The father replied, Pray 10 our father and wash youe hands with a holy water.

the 3rd sister hear the the things that the 1st and 2nd done.
When the priest saw the 3rd sister, The 3rd sister was praying 10 our father and then, she gargle the holy water.

 

Ive heard something like that before.

Here is one I know ........ its rated +18..........

Have you ever noticed that doing the laundry is like having $ex. First you try to shove everything in a wet hole. Then everything starts movin' and grovin', and by the time your done everything is wet and smaller than what you started with. (>0.0)>

 

oh i have one its mature (sorta)
a greek, an italian and a jew died in a car crash
they went to heaven (bear with me) and asked god to let them live
God stops and thinks, then replys "OK!"
to the italian he says: "you must \never eat pasta again"
"ok" says the italian
to the jew he says "you must never pick up change off the floor again:
"ok i wont" says the jew
"you must never give it up the ass again" he says to the greek , finally
"ok! ill try!!"
on their way back the greek and the jew suffered concusions, forgetting about the whole thing
2 years later they went to a restaurant
the italian looks at the menu : Spaghetti Bolognase, Fettacini, Rice, Pasta Suprise
"F*CK THIS" he says. he calls a waiter and says "get me some spaghetti please"
the greek and tthe jew were still deciding what to eat
as the fork with the pasta on it touched the italians mouth BANG he disapeared
"what the F*CK!" says the greek!
"lets get the f*ck out of here!" says the jew
on the way out a lady drops a 2 dollar coin. the greek ignores it but the jew doesnt
the jew bends over to pick up the coin and
BAND
they both dissapear




;D;D;D;D
FUNNY!!!

 

??? I dont get it ??? (>?.?)> (kirby dosnt get it either)

 

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf.", says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,

......."Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a sh it!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Two hunting buddies are out in the woods hunting some game when all the sudden the one of them puts his right hand to his hard and falls down to the ground with a huge thumb.
His friend panics seeing his buddy laying on the ground, so he decides to call 911 for help.
A girl voice answers him in the other end of the phone and asks him "what is the emergency".
In a panicy voice he replies "It’s my friend, he fell over all the sudden and he is all blue in the face and I think he is dead!!"
The woman in the other end tells him "Okay calm down man, first you got to check and make sure if he is dead"
Then the woman hears a gunshot in the background.
Then the man answers "Okay, Then what do I do now?"

 

A blonde is driving down the highway listening to the radio talk about how dumb blondes are. she takes a look out her window, and sees a blonde in a canoe in a ditch with no water in sight, She yells out her window "your the reason everyone thinks blondes are dumb" and the other blonde yells back " if I could swim I'd come over there and kick your @$$.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
One day a little kid asks his mother " is god a girl or a boy" and his mother replies " god is both, honey". The next day the kid asks his dad" is god black or white" and his dad says " god is both, son". That evening when they are eating dinner together the kid asks his parents " is god micheal jackson?"
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Redneck one

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Merry Christmas Buddy."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
There was a magic mirror and if you lied to it you disappeared.

A redhead went up to it and said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Then a brunette went up to it and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Finally a blonde girl went up to it and said, "I think..." and disappeared.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 pints of beer. "What happened to you?" asked the barman.

The man replied "I just learned that after all these thirty years, it turns out my father is gay!" "Ouch." says the barman.

The next day he returns and orders the same thing. "What now?" Says the barman.

"Right after learning my father was gay, I learned my brother was also gay! I might be next, man!" The barman is speechless, but all he wanted to say was displayed on his face.

The next day, the man returns, sad as ever, and orders 15 pints this time.

"What the hell!? Doesn't anyone in your family like women!?" the barman asks. The man looks up from his sadness, and slowly responds...

"Yeah, my wife."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

There were three blondes who were trapped in a huge dark room that contains only one door. A loud voice coming from the roof said "There is no electricity in this house, no lamps, nothing. You have to go through that door or die. The door read the word caution and one blonde said you cant make me go through this door!! Then she got torn apart by two chainsaws and without question the blondes ran through the door.

Now there was a green door and a red door, and they both went in the red door.

Then there was a black door, a blue door, and a pink door, they went through the black door.

Then there was a steel door and a wooden door, they both went into the steel door.

Then a small door and a large door, they went through the small door.

Now they were in a huge room containing a rope, a sharp knife, and an electric chair. The voice coming from the roof said, "How do you want to die, with an electric chair, a rope, or a sharp knife?"

One of the blondes said "I want to die with a knife!"

The other one said, "I want to be killed with the rope!"

A few moments later, after the blondes were dead, the voice said to himself, "I did tell them there was no electricity in the house, didn't I?"  "electric chair, get it"
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

How to confuse a blonde

put her/him in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner

How a blonde confuses you

He/She shows you the corner
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mature: sorta

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."
________________________________________________________________________________________

Maturish/ not really

A boy comes up to his father one day and asks him "What's the difference between potentially and realistically?"

His father replied "Go ask everyone if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back tomorrow and tell me your answer."

So the boy went to his sister first and asked her "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

His sister replied "A million dollars? Heck, I'd sleep with him for free!"

Then the boy went to his mother and asked her "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

His mother replied "A million dollars is an awful amount of money. Of course I would. It would pay for your college tuition fees and everything!"

Afterwards, the boy went to his older brother's room and asked him "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

His brother replied "Duh. Do you know how much money a million dollars is? I could buy a whole lot with that much money!"

The next day, the boy's father asked him if he had found out the difference between potentially and realistically.

The boy answered, "Potentially, we could be sitting on top of three million dollars. Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."
________________________________________________________________________________________
Mature

This guy comes into a gunstore and wants to buy a rifle scope.
The Owner hands him one saying "This is a very good one. Look out the window: Right up on top of that hill you can see my house."
The man looks through and starts laughing.
"What is it?" the Owner.
"It really is a good scope, I can see two people having sex through one of the windows!"
The Owner takes the scope away from him to have a look.
"That´s my wife!" he exclaims.
He mounts the scope on a rifle, loads two bullets and hands it to the man.
"I will give you the rifle with the scope for free if you shoot her in the head and him his dick off."
The man agrees and takes aim. Then he smiles, hands back one bullet and says: "I can do it with one shot now."
________________________________________________________________________________________

The last one is a riddle, don't scroll down to far or you'll see the answer

You are stuck in a square cement room. There are no windows, no doors, the ceiling is sealed in and all you have is a mirror and a table how do you get out

answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down
answer think, then scrolls down

Answer:

You look into the mirror and see what you saw, you take the saw and saw the table in half. everyone knows two halfs make a hole, and you crawl out the hole. A word riddle

 

right.
well

why did the chicken cross the road?

coz kamage was on the other side

 

I'll use South Park for this one:

It was Picture Day for South Park elementary. Naturally everyone wasn't enjoying it because Picture Day was gay.

Mr. Garrison: Now kids, don't you want a memento when you were in the fourth grade?
kids: No!
Mr. Garrisonon't you want your class picture taken so when you're 20 or 30 years older you can look back & say,"Hey this was Stan, he's a Business man now, and this was Kyle, He's a great lawyer now and this..."
Cartman: And this was teacher, he's dead now ;D