Jokes

Why would they need a Terrorist threat code at Wal-Mart????

I think that's the best joke evar.

 

those you do that will look like they have a mental illness, those ideas are a bit dumb...

 

Well, you don't typically do that sort of thing with the intent of looking smart chief.

You do it because it's fun.

 

Dumb and Nothin is going to watch the sunrise by the sea. Nothin Falls down and is about to get drowned.
Dumb is gettin his phone and calls the police (he's dumb).

Dumb: Nothin is drownin! Please help... i Can't svim!
Police officer: Are ya dumb?
Dumb: Yes... =/.

 

Three senior military officers were talking about the subject of bravery. the Army general said, "Gentlemen, if you want to see bravery look at this."

The general called a private towards him and say,"Private attack that tank with your rifle."
"Yes sir!Anything you say,sir!"

With that, the young private attack the tank, which flatten him.

The Air Force general, do not want to be outdone, called a pilot and said,"MAJOR, i want you to take the chopper up to 1,000 feet and jump down without your parachute."

The pilot saluted and take his chopper up. Ten minutes later, the senior officers watched as the pilot splattered onto the ground from 1,000 feet.

The admiral took the two general and went aboard a ship. He call out to a sailor, climb to the top of the mast and jump into the sea."

The sailor looked at the admiral and shouted, "WHAT? Go to hell , admiral, SIR!"

The admiral turned to the other and say proudly,"Gentlemen, now this is what i called BRAVERY!"

 

I've been inspired by Chris Farley's newscaster skits where he does constant finger quotes (While your looking for a newscaster that doesn't "scare children" or "eat their own dandruff"). You kind of have to watch them to get it. Anyway, We make fun of our teachers , err, girth problem by doing things like: Its so hard to use the stairs. I can't use the elevator cause of the "weight limit". And the Womens Gym won't let me in for "looking like a man" and then they yelled at me at KFC for asking if there was some fatier then "extra crispy". The list goes on and on.

Another thing to do at wal-mart is to go over the intercom and say your favorite swear phrase or 70's song.

 

Son: Hello! Dad? i am in Norway and i need two thousand dollars
Father: I can't hear you
Son: Can I have two thousand dollars?
Father: I can't hear you
Telephone Operator: I can hear him clearly. he want two thousand dollar.
Father: Than you lent him the two thousand dollar

 

I don't really get that joke. It's sort of hard to read as well. But your army joke cracked me up.

 

Man: Father, I just stole a pig.
Priest: Now, that is a sin
Man: Can i give it to you
Priest:No. Certainly not.
Man: Then what shall i do with it
Priest: Return it to the owner.
Man: I tried, but he doesn't want it.
Priest: Than you can keep it.
Man: Thank father.
Later, the priest went home and found that someone stolen his pig

 

Sorry for posting so many time....

St Peter was listing the sin of a consultant at the gate of heaven. The list went on for quite a while. The consultant objected and argued, "I've also done some charity in my life."

St peter looked in his book and said, "Yes, i see. Once you give 10 cent to a begger, and once you gave 5 cent to the boy next door, right"

"YES" said the consultant.

St Peter turned to the angle next to him and said, "Give this chap 15 cent and tell him to go to hell"

 

Double posting is against the rules. Use the "Modify" button at the top right of your post instead.

 

i did't know that until now.... but here is one more

One night, David was drinking whiskey in the veranda when he heard a tiny voice singing. He look around, and sitting on his table was a cockroach, singing beautifully. David was amazed.

The next day, David took the cockroach to the professional talent agent, and said, "I have a great talent just waiting to be discovered. Here let me show you!"

On cue, the cockroach march out of the david's pocket onto the table. the agent eye widened, and he slammed his hand down n the bug, squashing it flat.
"Okay", that's out of the way. Now, what are you going to show me ?"

Is this funny when i told my friend he say the joke is quit cold

 

How do u keep a idiot in suspense ??

 

Man: Is your father in ?
Boy: He are out.
Man: WHAT? "He ARE out"? Where's your grammar?
Boy: Oh, She are sleeping upstairs

Not sure if u know what i write

Dasiy: I heard that your husband is on a seafood diet.
Polly: Yes. what he see, he eats.

I Swear i am getting lamer...

 

Little daniel went into a pet shop.
the shopkeeper showed him a dog. "this is a special dog. It is a karate dog. Karate the plank."

The dog chopped the plank into two.
Daniel was so impressed he bought it for two thousand dollar and bring it home
Once he was home he told his father. The father shouted in disbelief, "KARATE DOG!!! KARATE MY FOOT!!!"

 

Three man were hiking on a mountain and they found a genie sitting by a cliff the genie say, "i will grant you each one wish, all you have to do is say what you want and jump off the cliff."

The first guy went to the edge, yelled "Money" and jump off, he lands in a big pile of money.

the second guy got up and yelled "Woman", he land among hundred of woman. the third guy, who was pretty excited now, got to the edge of the cliff, slipped and yell "Shit"!