The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai Why, yes, I am a badass. The sidescrolling beat-'em-up genre is something of its own - move from point 'A' to point 'B' and kill as many fools as you possible can who just so happen to get in your way. It is beyond simple, but it is that simplicity that makes it so fun and approachable. Now, when I downloaded a game wherein you play a dishwasher, I got it simply on the notion that it was going to be retarded, and I had to play it. Several hours, I found that I stumbled upon a wonderful gem created by one man alone; a game that fit into my collection well enough to be called my favorite game from the Live Arcade. The Dishwasher awakes to find that his heart has been removed - he can barely remember where he is or why he is exactly missing a vital organ, but doesn't really care, as the Cyborgs who control his world are out to kill him. What peruses is a story of understanding, redemption, but mostly bloodshed - it doesn't really matter why the Dishwasher is doing this, so long as it's as bloody and gruesome as possible. I was surprised to find the story, for how brief and insensible it starts out to be, actually fairly captivating. Cutscenes are displayed across the screen as comic strips and help to explain some of the oddity. While most of it tells of a backstory, there are a few moments that hold a surprising amount of power behind them (or at least create some badass fights). While the tale of the Dishwasher isn't going to win any awards soon, it’s well thought out enough to be reason enough for playing through the game. It's like my life is just a series of strips and speech bubbles, sometimes... Behind the comic strips lies the art style of Dishwasher, which can readily be described as "rough". Not only rough in that it keeps a gritty aesthetic, but also rough for some of the enemies, who look poorly drawn and are not animated particularly well (in stark comparison to the lovingly crafted Dishwasher). The backgrounds also, while gaining more variety as the game progresses and has some nice detail, consists of very dark and dull colors, making it somewhat monotonous until the later stages, which develop only a different monotony. While certainly not the most beautiful game, the overall theme and feel of Dishwasher, mostly its beyond brutal combat, is to be respected. The music of Dishwasher follows in suit with the visuals - save for a few key tracks, it keeps up only in continuing the theme and feeling of the stages, but the tracks themselves are in no way interesting. Sound effects are nicely done, however, and the minimal voice acting of the Dishwasher himself keeps him appearing as a complete homicidal maniac... the crackle of revving the chainsaw is gold in and of itself. Ultimately, it is not for the visuals that one plays Dishwasher, but for the combat... oh, the glorious, glorious combat. I don't think there's enough blood. Actually, there should be more - about fifty times more blood than the human body is capable of carrying sounds about right. Beat-'em-ups are known for being violent (hence the titular essence of the genre), but Dishwasher takes it to a whole new level by making every encounter a brutal fight to the death. Attacks spray blood across the ground, kicks and slashes send foes flying across the screen, all setting up an enemy for their complete death. Perhaps the most entertaining element of combat lies in the good olde fatalities, so enabled by weakening enemies down to just a sliver of health. With a press of a button, the Dishwasher can give out a clean kill (which admittedly includes copious amounts of blood), or an amazing brutal death, such as by taking a soldier's grenades, sticking them in his eyes, and blowing his skull off, or taking an assassin's own weapon and impaling him upon it. Giving out the correct death gives the Dishwasher health and more money, so there's an incentive to watching for the correct move, rather than button mashing for that oh so amazing brutal kill... The Dishwasher starts his venture with just a pair of meat cleavers, which, while still utilized well, are soon replaced with a further arsenal, including scythes, an Uzi and shotgun combo, and chainsaw, but the very interesting weapon of the Shift Blade. Instead of performing a normal roll with other weapons, the Shift Blade lets you warp across the screen. While not much, it's an interesting idea that lets you mix up combat quite a bit, and is used for other exploration around levels. Wait, blood AND lightning? These people bleed ELECTRICITY!? Awesome. To the MAX. Speaking of levels, the various stages the compose the games two major modes - Story, the main narrative and gameplay mode, and Arcade, a series of rooms wherein you kill foes to try and reach the highest score - are very well done. Story stages are surprisingly expansive and oftentimes feature multiple routes and minor puzzle solving elements (granted, the same puzzle three times, but still). Thankfully, the stages are also varied just enough so that, while being somewhat repetitive, never remain the constantly same pallet and background. In exploring, the player comes across multiple items - some rooms contain timed challenges that reward you with Psycho Picks, upgrade items used for your weapons. Upgrading weapons allows for different combos with each tool, allowing you to specialize in certain weapons to greater tear apart your foes. Otherwise, you'll also find Dish Magic, three spells that expand your destructive prowess by giving you an extra utility to deal damage or get you out of a pinch. Still yet, you'll find two items that allow for on-the-stop story co-op, which is a blast to play with a friend (if only because the second player looks cooler and has infinite lives). An odd addition which borders on the gimmicky is the inclusion of two guitar games - one being a guitar mini-game, and the other being an additional co-op mode, both of which can (the latter, must be) controlled with a Guitar Hero/Rockband guitar peripheral. It's kind of a weird little add on that seems rather pointless to some, but all it is is entertaining, if not difficult. I don't care if it offers nothing to the gameplay - you cannot put a price tag on "awesome". Difficultly is perhaps Dishwasher's most notable feature - even on the easiest difficultly, it's really easy to find yourself dying... a lot. Dishwasher is not, as even claimed by is creator, a button masher, and playing it as such will result in your death around the Normal difficultly. This is a lovely change of pace - it can be enjoyed fairly well as just button mashing, but its true form is as a specific, strategic fighting game. The difficulty is also a nice kick in the balls to the easy fare found on the Live Arcade and games in general these days - while off-putting to some, others will revel in the game's harsh tendency to say "Fuck you, Steve!" and kick you into a pit of endless continue screens. What Dishwasher is, more than anything else, is just fun. It may not be the most polished game, or the easiest, or the best looking, but it certainly is just entertaining to anyone with a soft spot for hardcore violence. When played with a friend, it's fantastically entertaining, even when you're constantly dying, and it still remains wholly awesome when played alone. Ultimately, I like The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai - it's different from anything I've really ever played before, and I can respect both that and its creation by a singular member. If you're looking for a violent game on the cheap that can easily be enjoyed alone or with friends (as its sheer spectacle and executions can cause quite a few gasps of "Oh my God!"), look no further than Dishwasher, but be prepared to get good at it, or die trying. Any game that lets you and a friend fight over who cuts whose head off is awesome. Actually, this entire game is just kind of awesome... Also, is the Chef not the single greatest sidekick... ever? Presentation, 8/10: Menu design and navigation is well done, and the entire aesthetic to the game is both dark and bloody, which remains enjoyable for the entirely of its course. However, an extended color pallet would be greatly appreciated... Graphics, 7/10: The Dishwasher himself remains always well done, his moves and animation elegant and destructive, but the enemies sometimes look a little harsh on the eyes, and environments do hold a sense of repetition every now and again. However, the execution moves are simply something to behold in and of themselves, and really do make the game that more enjoyable. Sound, 7/10: The music of Dishwasher is well done, but never particularly moving or memorable (save for two tracks, one of which being the credits song). Sound effects are also nice, but a few are a little annoying (Crusher Dish Magic, anyone?). However, the voice acting of the Dishwasher actually does kind of give it some life - the crackling and yelling of the little psychopath only make him more deranged, and hence more epically awesome. Gameplay, 9/10: I'm a sucker for violence, and Dishwasher is just violent enough to make me giggle with glee as I cut four people's heads off with a chainsaw. While difficult, it gives you a good challenge and ways to actually improve, which I think is a wholly welcome and enjoyable element. Lasting Appeal, 6/10: Unfortunately, Dishwasher is short. The main story doesn't take long to finish, and playing on other difficulties doesn't add much. The Arcade mode also doesn't do much to extend the game's length, so you may find yourself moving on from the experience rather quickly. Total Score, 37/50: The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai is one thing, and on thing only - brutal fun. While, again, not the most polished game, its easy to pick up and just have a great deal of fun with, especially if you've friends along for the ride. I enjoyed my time with the Dishwasher and his cackle, and can only hope that more games like this will soon follow. Plus, its budget price of 800 Microsoft points really do make it all the more worth it. And I... am the Dishwasher. Let's rock! ~~~ I have returned. I guess. I dunno if I really did ever leave or if people noticed, but I was bored and wrote this, so I guess I've returned. WITH A VENGEANCE! I've mostly been busy trying to not fall behind in school, due largely in part to a completely failed and stupid long-distance relationship. But that's done and over with, as is school, so maybe I can get back into the swing of things and write some more reviews up. As always, comments are appreciated - thanks, and adios, y'all =] ~Edit~ Forgot me name in the status bar, and another few little formatting goofs. Funderful.
