*The Post Office SUCKS!* The game of mystery mail!

Once every month, I always get mail that was suppose to go to the neighbors or something like that. Obviously, I never OPEN it, but I wonder what would happen if I did? And if I we're to actually RESPOND to that... What kind of pandemonium and discord I can cause... how much laws I can break.... Well, this is the thread where we see what would happen.

Rules Tiem....​

1) Forum Rules... Obviously...
2) Try not to read the post above the post that is above you. Too complicated? Don't read the forum, unless you already posted. >:O
3)Read the post above you, and without knowing ANYTHING, send a "Mail" Back to them.​

I was also thinking about some kind of contest.. Ooh La la~ Best mail gets a prize... and if this thread gets far... I'll make some more starting mail and stuff... If we need...

How to win? 1) Funniest 2) Most Profitable 3) Most Lawbreaking 4) Letter that destroys the life of the supposed recipient​

Lets start this thing off shall we? (I predict... this thread... Will get very little posts... XD)
____________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Bob

Your stripper cake will be arriving this Tuesday. Please tell us where the party is, so we can deliver it quickly and accurately, and the bank account we will be charging it to.

From,
Stripper Club

 

Dear Stripper Club,

Please deliver the cake to 216 Tartarus Avenue, and charge it to the Devil's bank account.

If there are any questions or concerns, call us at 1-800-YOU-FAIL.

From,
G Corporation

 

Dear G Corporation,

The secret stash of coke will be under the box you will receive at that specific location. Please eat this after reading.

From,
The Crack Guy

 

Mr.Somebodywhoisjusttorandomformetolookuphisname:

We have discovered that you have AIDS, Cancer on various spots of your body liver desease, stomach desease, you're deaf, and are probably getting blind too.Also, your genitals will fall.You will need several surgeries.Also, we have read your mail:You need to stop talking to thieves.I know all of 'em, and I'm on their team.Your lover shall be informed of this too.You should have used a condom.And we're gonna get 454534354354 US Dollars from your bank account.

Mr.Randopmguywhoisprobablyadoctorandissedingyouthismessage.

 

Dear Mr.....

But I'm only 11, and I wan't my PonyPack I ordered. Whats AIDS? And Genitals?

 

Dear Boy...

WTF??How did you do all that, and still say you're 11?Are you like, kiddin' me?And what about the million dollars you told me you'd give me last time?Also, since you got all those drugs you promised, you could send some!

Mr.STFU.

 

Uh... You're suppose to write a response to what is above, and ONLY that... They're 2 different people.

Anyway...

Dear Mr. Stfu

This is the Gaybag Company...
We have not received your contract... Please send it to us in the mail.

Gaybag Company

 

daybag company...

letz get this streit alredy i only speak int3rnetz dialet...

int3rpul

 

Int3rpul

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAZ ONE 21 FREE INTERWEBZ! A WINRAR IS YOU!! PLEASE FILL OUT THIS SURVEY!

1) Name

2) Adress

3) Back account, Number, and Pin.

4) A bag, with your keys to your house, car, and safe (if you have a key safe)

5) Your safe Number (If you have a Number Pad)

 

Dear nameless:
IDK who you are, but, like, thank you.
I'm, like, speechless.I never though I, like, would get a chance like this.
I, like, will fill it after you, like, give mme my, like, prize.

Like, Ms.Ini Miney.

 

Dear Ini

Spoiler

AFIOBGUOEOBGIODVNNINRINDGIFNIOENAIONGFIONDSINFINEAIFNCINA MURDERER!!!!! GTFO!!!!GIEWNGIONENDSNINIEONFINEIFNNEINFDININASiNFIENFISNCINISO Ooh Its a car!

 

Dear Mr. Hobo.

I didn't get a thing and have no idea who Ini Miney is.Please just burn afetr reading, eat after burned, and then repeat the proccess after the digestion.

Mr.Gutts.

 

Mr. Gutts

I it the paper. It may be fatal. Should I the police? What do I do? Was just an accident!

YahooAnswers

 

YahooAnswers:
Who?I iz a magic Magikarp!

Zeymour Ukinner.

 

Pokemon Company

Hello. We are here to tell you that you are being sued for using "Magicarp" in a mail, without permission. You will be fined OVER 9000 Bucks.

 

Dear Pokemon Company

OBJECTION!!!

Write and Co. Office.

 

Ash Ketchem

OMGILUVZTEHPUKYMON!I HAZ POKECHU, SQIRTEL, MUDCIPZ, AND A CHARAZARD!! LOL! WANNA TRADE THE OH-HO?

 

Dear fantard,

You are hereby banned from purchasing pokemon merchandise.

Lots of love,
Kojima.

 

Good. I hated Pokemon anyway.

Konami Productions.

 

Wright Anything Agency,

You guys suck. You can't do prostitution