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some thing funny

Discussion in 'Forum Games, Jokes & Random' started by barragandi, Nov 9, 2008.

  1. barragandi

    barragandi New Member

    The following questions were taken from a GCSE examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

    Q. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow

    Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U

    Q. What is the fibula
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure
    A. A Roman Emperor

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport

    Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
    A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

    Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
    A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

    Q. What is a turbine
    A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
     
  2. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    Seen these before. They do not reflect well upon the UK education system.
     
  3. barragandi

    barragandi New Member

    But did Thay make you Smile ;D
     
  4. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    not really, I live in the UK and hate the way our society is going with regard to education.
     
  5. Seph

    Seph Administrator Staff Member

    I found about two of them funny, so that's more than usual. What I find scary, though, is what the hell these questions are doing in a school...
     
  6. Renji217

    Renji217 Well-Known Member

    LOL!! Are these kids retarted or what?!?!
     
  7. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    not retarded... just guessing because they haven't been taught properly.
     
  8. cjdogger

    cjdogger Guest

    Probably from poor areas where unfortunately teachers give up caring because some kids are real arse holes, but I think that kid did it for the lulz, like on a maths exam when it said find x I was tempted to circle the x and point an arrow towards it saying "Found It!" put apparently somebody else did it and it ended on the news...
     
  9. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    there was another case in the last couple of years where a Cambridge student took a can of beer into an exam. When the examiner stopped him, he produced a copy of the Cambridge examination statuates, one of which stated that students were permitted to have a flagon of ale during the exam. The examiner allowed him in, and the university later got their revenge by disqualifying him for not wearing a sword in the exam hall.
     
  10. Renji217

    Renji217 Well-Known Member

    Dude you can do that!?!?
     
  11. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    the same statuates that said he was allowed the ale also said somewhere else that wearing a sword was a requirement. The statuates only apply to cambridge, and they were written centuries ago.
     
  12. anandjones

    anandjones Well-Known Member

    Hm. This is funny though.
     
  13. Renji217

    Renji217 Well-Known Member

    Cool!! Didnt know that....
     
  14. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    There is allegedly another that states if you turn up to the exam wearing a suit of armour and riding a white horse you are not to take the exam, but are to be given an immediate first class degree.
     
  15. cjdogger

    cjdogger Guest

    I have been told to aim for Cambridge or Oxford if I get in then i am so doing that! :)
     
  16. CloudBoii12

    CloudBoii12 Well-Known Member

    Ugh.
    That's just plain.
    Sad.
     
  17. kirkyeehee

    kirkyeehee Member

    Seeing this makes me feel smarter for some reason....
     
  18. ian13456

    ian13456 Well-Known Member

    [facepalm]
    wow they are so smart.i think this teachers graduated in pirated Harvard.
    well I hope they teach the children 1+1=11.
    Well at my good side poor children they need books.But the answers are some kind of correct.Don't call me stupid or idiot they teach another definition(i think)
     
  19. marcy

    marcy Guest

    lol. I learnt 1+1=10 (really)
     
  20. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    no, 1+1 is 11 in VB (loosely typed and + is the concatenation operator)