Anyone else do this? As a musician I like writing songs, they're essentially poems too, so I included it with the title. If anyone shares the same hobby as me, feel free to put up some of your writings and feel free to give some constructive feedback. I really have no where else to put up my songs so I might as well. Newest full song, the top is the newest song.
I liked this one, finnally a topic from a respected member to where I could post some of my random thoughts... Mind if I post one as an example? My mind is out of wack People tell me I need to see a quack All I hear is a THWACK! All the pain is in my back They told me I was crazy and insane They say I'm not to blame But all the shame Has kinda put me to fame From chainsaws to blenders To jokes and mind benders I help those in need And hurt those who bleed My thoughts can be random And no one belives in phatoms But I know one day What just may Be my day... Ever since I saw some random poertry I've managed to put my utterly random thoughts into these-this is from the top of my head and is 88% accurate of my life oddly enough. Any good or can ya tell I made it on the spot ???
It could use some ambiguity. I don't think poetry does well with something incredibly specific. It just needs a general theme and the reader makes up what it's about.
Hrm...prehaps I should stop basing them off this... [me=mds64]throws kids nursery ryme book away[/me] My life is random I don't like fandom Co-workers want me to drink So they think they could link I'm so cheap I kept things from the heap Prehaps I should stop to think Before I take that leap I love my lancer It's also called a prancer But it ain't no dancer Prehaps closer to cancer? ... That was another-I tried my best...but I have a feeling that I hit a block... prehaps I should post some of my old attempts at song writing-sure it's closer to heavy metal and the songs lost all meaning (when your in love..) but still-I spent days on those...
Getting there, try using less, they and I. You probably want other people to personalize the poem, they want the work to relate to them, using they and I a lot and specific situations and stuff like that makes it difficult for it to relate to the reader. You know where I'm getting at? I'm working at a new song, forgive the format. It's not done yet but if anyone has a silly question or a remark, say it, I might add it. This song is only questions, it won't be finished until I get bored of it.
Hrm... more less they's and I's... I'll keep those in mind. As for your song...its not catchy yet...but prehaps more silly remarks could help... "Why must my asian hair be black?" "Why do big brothers seem bigger than little brothers"? "Must school go on forever?" "What does petrol smel like"? "When will I be as tall as you"? "Why must I ask so many questions"? These are (for refferance) questions me and my brother have asked at many different ages... Aren't we fun questioning our lives? Sometimes it's annoying Don't ya just want to go "spoing"! When was life fun when was it done? All this monday to sunday Became bum day to Satday? Don';t we just want a fun day intead we just got an say, ok? ...I felt that didn't work for me...i had to restrict myself.
I'm not trying to make it really catchy or anything, it's basically an improvised song, I have no clue what I'm going to do on guitar for it. I'm probably going to only use acoustic for it though. I'll get my sister's boyfriend to sing it too, he has a nice voice. I'm working on a couple things at once, like an instrumental song, that's my first priority, I need to get my sister's boyfriend to help me work on it along with my sister and my hubby. I'll probably do that before continuing Questions. I think it worked, I find it entertaining for me to read and the last part is neat, metinks.
Hrm..I hope it works out, let me know if there is a finished version And did you mean my last attempt worked ???
I'll probably put up the instrumental up sometime this weekend, depending if our recording equipment isn't being gay like it has been before. We also might record the first song I put up, I have the guitar parts worked out on it. Yes, the last four lines worked well and were entertaining to read.
I just re-read those last 4 lines.... It was random and not joined in anyway...so that is how poetry works... I might book mark this and work on my material And prehaps I should post my old song ideas when I get the time... And if your equipment goes spaz-give it a kick from me-devices fear me
Modern World (Wolf Parade Cover) Cale H. - Vocals, drums, keys Stephanie D. - Bass, concept Me - Guitar, harmonies (I appear around 1:07 and around 1:26, Yay me!), mixing The Moon, My Master Cale H. - Keys, drums Stephanie D. - Bass, drums Me - Guitar, Xylophone This Elevator Goes To The Eighth Floor Cale H. - Keys, mixing, flute thing, concept Stephanie D. - Bass Me - Guitar, Xylophone, Harmonica By the way, Cale is my sister's boyfriend, and Stephanie is my sister. I'm obviously me.
Well, I must say this song was very well thought out and well worded. It was down to earth and to the point about man kind and how we act and quite true. Good luck with the finished song I'd love to hear it when it is ready!
ive been working on this song for a couple of hours,its not ready but i think its cool already lol tell me guys what u think about it!!! the song is called SERENETY PRAYER waking up in the dawn with tears streaming down my face voices calling for me cause in this world i have no place God give me what i need Give me justice and forgive Save me from this life Give me youre hand my friend Ohh give what i want I just want to be free wake me up from this hell or give me eternal sleep
Poetry isn't well with specifics. Songs though are definitely a different thing all together. Songs that are very specific with places, times and events happen to be more heartfelt. A poetic song ends up sounding like an anthem. Poems are worlds apart when you come to think of it. That's a lesson I learned the hard way.
Something from when I was still suicidal back in high school: Sunken Garden Sifting through the distant memory I yearn for your one last smile. I seek for you but never do I find Meaning fades as I cling to something I can not hold I struggle, being ambiguous of the truth a mask veils that which I show outside. Never hinting signs, or sigils I lie as to how am I I weep, yet I laugh Only shedding tears when darkness & I Hidden behind wandering eyes yearning for you to comply. Sadly, you won't.... And me, I bid adieu.
I'm really against the whole the emotional songs. it makes people feel sentimental towards them. CREEEEEPY. I used to make poems about life, death and...ugh...*love*. used to save it on my comp but it crashed a few years ago so I gave up! =] My first sonnet of my very first was consistant with "ate" At a push of a button, all will detonate look what you've acquired! the power to annihilate CHECKMATE devastate the population....
