Poetry Corner

Well there isn't a place for poets yet so post your poems here, if you want critique on it please ask at the end of your post.

REMEMBER: That this place is not too serious, please don't be mean to others and if you are going to critique please be constructive, anyone can post from newbs to experts

I'll start:
http://cjdogger.deviantart.com/art/Comic-Global-Warming-Winter-126517026

My best piece, I don't mind criticism

Edit: Your poetry, not somebody else's

 

Usually I love some good ol' joke style poems. But try this one, no flames now, if you don't like it, then give me some advice on what I should change(like structure, or wordplay, ect.) Good topic btw cj, thinking outside the box. ;D


Best wishes and memories do nothing
Can you free me from wanting,from needing?
Taken for granted,taken for a loop
the arms of a lie feel better,than the grasp of the truth.

Convulse in you thoughts,stumble in your mind
the way it was,the things I had to leave behind,
the fault I blamed on others,had always been mine
how can there be a next,when there was no "this time"?

Away I go in my train,on the tracks to the next city
while I see you sitting alone on the tracks,I think it's all a mystery
I could have it all,even the chance to stop the pain,the hurting
but who would have though,I would give it all up just to have one person.

 

Wow, that's good and it fits proper poetry style too ^.^

 

Many thanks Cj.

 

Is this a haiku?
Let's just wait it out and see.
It's a sixth syllable!

 

Here's some more humourous poetry from me
http://cjdogger.deviantart.com/art/Just-a-pebble-126527007

 

here's one that makes me laugh...

Oh squiggly line
In the center of my eye
When I try to look at you
You scurry away
Only when I ignore you
Do you come back to me
Oh Squiggly line
Do not be afraid
You are forgiven

*note to self: lay off the drugs*

 

From family guy?

 

Try another mushy one

I see a schoolteacher she's bright and witty
I see a detective,but to herself she's a mystery
I see a doctor,no shortage of patients
I see a actress,just shy of being famous

put yourself in my place,
my brain stews in its own waste
my heart races in ahead of my eyes
while all this time my better judgement gives chase

I followed this way,and I don't turn back
even if the light you give off is a shining black
I have made a grave and dug my hole
from which I comfortably sleep,but I lost my soul

Ask yourself what's all this have in common
the answer won't surprise
If I ever made you believe I didn't need you
I lied.



I have some funny ones, so I'll post them soon enough.

 

Sparkly fork, what do you do?
Sparkly fork, magpies love you

I see you in that nest
You're so shiny, you're the best

You glisten, it's sex to my eye
You're so sparkly, I wonder why

 

There's no depth in your writing CJ, it's all at face value.

 

I know I suck, I like to joke about

 

Try some literature devices like metaphors, imagery and personification.

 

I'm too lazy, I make things when my mind is blank

 

LOL i honestly try very hard to look at the squiggly line in my eye... i usually only get to look directly at it for a second or so before it drifts away

 

How To Kill A Dream

Girl walking down the street.
Little kid playing trucks in the mud.
One truck goes flying from mud-slicked hands.
Girl walks over, picks it up, gives it back to the kid.
Child asks in innocence,
“Are you an angel?”
Girl smiles so sweetly and replies,
“Everyone knows there’s no such thing as angels.”

In such a manner are our dreams killed.

-

I haven't written poetry in a long, long time. This is from a couple of years ago.

 

"If I were a dog,
and you were a flower,
I'd lift my leg,
And give you a shower.

 

Ooh, some very nice poetry here

 

You spelled existence wrong. And Sun is a name, therefore it must be capitalized.

 

Fixed it.