Parenting: Dealing with "Different" Kids

OK, I wanted to start this thread because of the "What did you dream to become when you were a kid" thread.

But first off, I hope none of you will take offense with the "poor" choice of words for my title, I didn't intend to harass or anything as I am too a "different" person.

Anyway, to elaborate further, say in the near future when you decide to start a family of your own, you get kids that are "different", what would you do?

By different what I mean is:

1. Children with physical dis-abilities like being deaf, blind, have deformities
2. Children with learning Dis-abilities like Dyslexia
3. Children with Psycho-mental differences like Autism, ADHD or Tourettes, and
4. Children with different sexual orientations

 

I think would raise it like any normal kid if not too extreme, i saw something on oprah the other day: A triplet being deaf and blind from birth(!!) I wouldn't be able to raise kids like that. I have a weak willpower to do such a thing, i think it would break me from the inside, since its all intensively and all. But i think i would do it anyway and love it, it's still my child.

(Like what Cahos said, no offence to anyone)

 

I'd support them as much as possible and try and understand what they go through. I personally have a really bad case of ADHD which got me in a lot of trouble when I was young, and even plagues me now in college as no matter how hard I try I still can't pay attention to 99% of professors for more than 2 minute intervals before I compeletely forget that I'm in class. I'm even unique in the case that I have taken all sorts of different medications to try and help, but my immune system is way too good and they have no effect on me within 2 weeks. It's not really a lot different from having a 'normal' child the way that I see it, everyone is different and has to do things differently so that they are effective for them, these attributes might just require more work to find works for them. As long as they don't rely on me for help in history and government classes, I have no problems.

 

I'd treat them like I normally would treat any other normal kid, support and help them as much as I can, and I wouldn't treat them like they're different. My cousin has half tourettes, where he would occasionally shout things randomly etc. If I had a kid who was blind and death, it would be very hard to communicate, it would be too hard. I'd probably break down as well. But this is only if I have children

 

If I had a kid that was the reaper I don't know if I'd be able to handle it either.

 

I'll wait for your mistake in writing.

Trust me I WILL.


back to the topic:

If I'd have a kid with disabilities, well I think the first time I'd just be shocked and confused.
But it'd my kid, although.
And I'd support it in every single way I can.

 

It's easier said than done, people.

I know myself, and I know petty much how I would react to such a thing.

1- Those were things that I possibly wouldn't stand. Sure, I'd do my best to help my kid and try to make her feel better, but I would feel disappointed for not having a "normal" child.

2- That is one thing that wouldn't affect me much, since the child could live perfectly. And most of those disabilities are correctable (I think, correct me if I am wrong).

3- One other thing that would affect me a big bit. A bit like number 1.

4- This is the one i would care the least. I don't refer to different sexual orientations as defects. People are free to choose what they want, and if that's what they want, then I would gladly support my child. A bit upset in the beginning, but that's normal, I think.

 

Kids.... not sure want them or not. But If I do I'd support my child for the 1-3 categories, after all she/he is my child what kind of parent neglect their own child. For the fouth categories though, I just can't let my child be that way it's against my religion's teaching. I've got nothing against people with different sexual orientations and I don't really judge them or anything. But when it's my own child, it's hard just to let it be.

 

Well atleast none of you replied with what my bastard father did...

Beat up his kid for something I have no power to change & ultimately disowned me

 

It is a parent's responsibility to give the child the best life possible within the family's capabilities.
Life will be hard and difficult because being different the kid will suffer through alot of emotional trauma. I don't think it's really right for anyone to treat people with disabilities as "normal" because they are not (I don't mean this in an offensive way). For example, you can 't expect a kid with learning disabilites to pick up things as fast as normal kids could or study in the same way. Likewise you can't expect someone who can't move to dress themselves. So adjustments must be made, parents should know what their child is capable of and make sure the child is able to do all that he/she can within the capabilities. Also I don't think it is offensive or rude to offer a hand to someone who has a disability (i've had experiences where opening a door for some one lead that person saying I was discriminating against people with disabilites). I think everyone should offer a hand, not because we think they are incapable of doing things by themselves but because life will be easier for them with a helping hand. In fact with a helping hand anyone's life would be easier. So while it is important to let kids learn how to do things by themselves, it is also important to let them know that asking for help and receiving help does not mean they are weaker.

Physical aside, by normal I think most people refer to how to interact socially with people with disabilites. Physical disabilities should not hold back a person socially. This applies everyone, not interacting with a person that is different is offensive. Parent should let the kids know while they may be different physically, they are the same socially. Social is a major problem for kids with mental disabilites. You can't interact in the same way with someone who has severe autisim. I don't really know how to solve this problem, I guess you can go to associations where families with same problems interact. Support is important for the child and also parents.

But if technology develops that allows early detection, early enough for me to abort the child, I would. But that's just me because I have no problems with abortion, I think it's within the first 3 month that you can abort. I consider that a cell culture and I have no problem killing cells. That's just me.

 

They should be treated as normal as possible, wherever possible. To single them out - even on the requisite of positive discrimination - is to provide a basis for differentiation, and if we strive towards a truly equal society then we cannot do that. I don't personally believe that disadvantaged children should be given a helping hand through life, because that cultivates a sense in the child of perhaps being 'superior' to other children, and worthy of more attention and help.

 

By helping hand is what?

That's why alot of people are afraid of speaking up to help when they see someone having a problem. Why is it so discriminating to open a door for someone with a wheel chair? You'd do the same if someone was about to walk in right behind you. Why is it so bad to help get something for someone that's out of reach? You'd do it if a little girl wanted a book in a high place. We treat normal people with a helping hand, we can treat people with disabilites with helping hand. If the child can't answer a question, are you going to just going to keep encouraging the kid trying hard or are you going to explain how to solve it then give him another question to solidify the concept.

Why shouldn't we help those in need?


Asking for help, recieving help does not make one surperior or inferior in any sense. When did this kind of thinking start?
That's why I hate people who says "you need help with this question? but its so easy". Yes for you, but not for me, that's why I asked for help didn't I? If I could do something by myself I wouldn't have asked.

We can't improve ourselves if we dont' recieve guidence.
I'm not talking about doing EVERYTHING for the child. I said, if the child is capable with in his/her capabilites (mentally and physically) then I expect the child to be able to do them. I will not do homework for my kids, I'll guide them if they need help. I will not help my kids clean, dress, and eat, if they can do so on their own.

 

I didn't make myself quite clear. By 'helping hand', I did not mean that the child should be refused any and all help that they require. If the child is disadvantaged, then by all means they should receive help.
But what we are seeing in society today is these children being differentiated and therefore excluded from other children, which cannot be beneficial to their development. The idea of 'special schools' is one I don't agree with - to put disadvantaged children in a 'bubble' like that is to deny them a chance of fitting into society. I believe that children like this should be put in normal schools, and teachers should be trained to deal with them where possible.

 

Helping out because you really want to, or because it comes from the bottom of your heart, or out of selflessness is good, but helping out because you pity them or "feel their pain" so to speak is just wrong, especially if you're helping because you're hoping for a reward or returned favor, or because you were "forced to" is the worst.

Also, you can't possibly understand a disadvantaged persons "pain", unless you're one yourself. Take me for example, I always get this statement:

"I'm really quite impressed with you, you overcame your disability & even gone to University, I'm proud to have known you"

Yeah right!

Quoting Tolken of South Park from the "With appologies to Jessie James" episode:

"You just don't get it!"

 

1. Children with physical dis-abilities like being deaf, blind, have deformities
2. Children with learning Dis-abilities like Dyslexia
3. Children with Psycho-mental differences like Autism, ADHD or Tourettes, and
4. Children with different sexual orientations

3, i would not want.
1, 2, 3 there is always or a modest solution for it. it is treatable or at least manageable.

in this arguement, those who supported evolution would only suggest that they kill them. the arguement for evolution is survival of the fittest. since all of these are problematic for survival it would only suggests that those who follow it would discard those who are not fit for survival.

btw, that's just a side note or comment to think about. i hope it doesn't distract the topic.

 

I once posted somewhere that in nature, (particularly with ants, bees, termites & hornets) the poorly developing larvae is killed, as they will not serve any good use in the colony, also, once a Queen bee no longer has the capability to lay eggs, the worker bees sting her to death.

And on that post, I also said that Euthanasia, or mercily killing a differently abled person, at a young age, should have been applicable to us humans as well, but not because differently abled people are worthless or burdens to society, but as a means to save the differently abled person from social rejection & ridicule. Because even if we do our best to NOT be judgemental or descriminative, there are still a majority of the populace that are either ignorant or just heartless.

Save the differently abled child from persecution & descrimination, I say, but not abandon them, if you can't accept them then put an end to it at the very earliest stage, Abort or Euthanize the child & let him be free from descriminating eyes.

Hope you guys won't get offended by that, my life's hard & painful journey is just showing its ugly head again :'(

 

2 problems

human rights

and hippies upholding them

 

Yeah forgot about those ;D

Anyway the so called human rights were just mandated by man right?

What if they did put something like "the right to abort/ Euthanize differently abled people/children to avoid social descrimination/persecution"?

 

would never happen because out of the people who care enough to fight the magority are right to life people,
take for example stem cell recearch, a hole lot of thing could be cured or treated if stem cell recearch went full force but there are to many god damn tree hugging hippies that the proccess is being delayed