[NDS] Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars - DomeFossil

Name: Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
Publisher: Rockstar Leeds

I was, as my signature suggests, going to review a completely different, much older game. That particular review is nearly finished. But, I thought it my duty as a gamer and eccentric writer to surprise you all with a title that is almost a direct opposite to the one I said I’d be reviewing.

Halfway through writing, I perused a few news websites regarding video games and their consoles. My eyes lit up when I saw the headline “GTA: CW sells only 89,000 in its first month.” I thought to myself “no, it couldn’t be. How could analysts be so wrong?” I scrolled down in stupor to the comments section of that particular blog. Immediately I had to laugh; 104 comments. I quickly looked through them, and to my surprise, they did not only consist of “NO WAI I <3 GTA I DLED IT AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!11111ONEONE.” No, there were much more stereotypes on that page.

It was like a circus full of freaks (no offense.) There was the Nintendo fanboy rabidly defending his console by bleating excuses about piracy and douche “core” gamers, there was the Sony fanboy saying “HAHAHAHA, SUCK THAT’S WHAT YOU GET DS IS FOR *insert expletive here* (needless to say, successful troll is successful), there was also the United Nations gamer of both Nintendo and non-Nintendo fanboyisms, trying to get everyone to hug and make up with a stylus and a joystick, and of course, there were the “cool, calm, collected” gamers who acted like they didn’t care but probably shat themselves more than the time they saw Aerith get guro’ed by Sephiroth (I’m sorry, I’ve being playing FF7.) So I thought to myself, yanno what? I think I’ll interrupt myself from my regular broadcast, take a step back, and try hard to review this game without bias or without sounding like I have my head stuck up Rockstars’ budget.


Huang Lee gets nearly cockblocked. Notice the art style that pertains to all other titles. Thank the Lord.

I had finished GTA: CW some days before I saw that news. I have promised not to let my impressions show (yet) about the game without giving some background first. GTA: CW is a 128 Mbit cartridge, which is the second highest seen yet on DS media. Generally, (and I mean generally, there are exceptions to this rule *coughcastlevaniamegamanbangaiospiritscoughcough*) most high-end DS games graphically are 128 Mbit, with the only two 256Mbit games being so due to their impressive voice acting. So, GTA in size lives up to its expectations. When I did a bit more researching, I found out quite a shocking fact straight from Rockstars’ mouth: GTA: CW took 88,000 lines of code to make. I believed this fact instantly. I had finished the game, and there is only one word to describe the gameplay. Deep.

I often do not agree with reviewers, most particularly with their ranking systems. Aspects like the fact that a score needs to be 60% and above to not get a Rotten rating on a certain review website deter me from believing everything a reviewer or their score says. I mean, think about it. These people get paid to review games. A lot of them could be sell-outs to high-end companies. Others could be the legitimate equivalent to a troll and post a shallow, close-minded review just to not be conformists and bolster themselves for not going against the masses. I am of the firm belief that if a game is good, then it deserves to be truthfully praised as such. But nowadays, if you believe everything that every person says about it, then a good game is hard to come by. Plus, why let your opinions get formed by someone who has no real credentials? They just played the game and researched it while playing. Just like I am doing now for you lovely people. For free too. I am not masquerading as some self-righteous single ray of truth, I am not forcing you to believe me (srsly I’m noALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.) Instead, I’m giving to give you the choice – you can either read my impressions of this title and take my sincere advice of going out and playing it for yourself, or you can do what a lot of people did in that comments section and judge the gameplay videos and compare power guzzling next gen apples to innovative, fun, yet sightly dorky and dinky oranges.


Helping Eyetalians put more people in graveyards is a focal part of Chinatown Wars’ gameplay.

But let us return to me, picking up the game and inserting it into my DS. To tell the truth, I wasn’t too keen on getting this game. It’s just not my style. There’s something about Rockstars’ GTA that makes me put most other quality games before it. I don’t know what, I have never been able to put my finger on it. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a very credible franchise, and it has certainly set the bar on many levels, but I generally like my games to have heroes in them with a moral compass. You don’t see Cloud Strife knifing someone down the street. You don’t see Link jacking a horse and Cart. You don’t see Kratos – oh. Wait.

So I turned the game on, and instantly, without reading a single review or even being aware of the hype, I was hooked. I soon realised why, and this remains the sole reason why I lamented the "poor" sales of the title. GTA: CW had finally perfected the balance that the franchise has being trying to achieve since day one – that of providing a serious "core" gaming experience, and that of not taking itself too seriously. Both of these ideals were personified through gameplay and storyline respectively. Needless to say, I wanted to see this game to the finish because of its captivating yet light storyline, and wanted to keep playing to see what innovative and quirky aspect of play would be introduced next.


It’s not Huang in there, there’s a secret mission where you’re a taxi driver exacting his revenge on those snobby Chauffeurs who steal all of your business.

Not to leave out any other ethnicities and most likely to poke fun at them all (one could never accuse Rockstar of racism, they generalise every culture equally), Chinatown Wars focuses on Chinese-American (obvious title is obvious, sorry I’ll try to keep the memes to a minimum) gangsters. The protagonist and anti-hero is 25 year old Huang Lee, a foul-mouthed, witty rich kid who finds himself the mediator when thrust in a world full of crime, and empires, and criminal empires. The story pans out just like any other GTA story does, going from bodgie tattoo jobs to shooting down gigantic expensive helicopters in exponential increases of epicitiy (epicness? Epiction? Whatever, you get what I mean), and for those of you who are new to it, there are some ZOMG twist moments. To those who are not, I say “Now everyone will remember the name Big Smoke!” But the thing that really stuck with me about CWs’ story was the fact that it could sit back and poke fun at itself much more effectively than any of the other titles so far. A good game will try to suck you into its world, an even better one in my opinion can say “GOTCHA, you’re really just a luser who sweats all over his DS buttons, but its ok because you’ll go back to shooting promiscuous women in a moment.” All GTA games have done that particularly well, but Chinatown Wars needed only one line to perfect this tactic of hooking you in with reality checks: “And here’s a close up of me looking moody for drama.” I kid you not. That was said during a mission. That earned a chuckle.

Sorry to spoil you fine folks but I feel the need to mention CWs’ opening. Huang is nearly killed by the baddies, but because they were DOING IT WRONG (sorry, couldn’t help myself) he lives. Thinking they’ve killed him, they decide to send him sleeping with the fishes with a car as his coffin. Epic. When I saw that scene, I thought, oh goody; they haven’t broken from tradition by giving the main character a craptastic situation to start with. My heart, however, sank when I saw that the touch screen was needed to bail Huang out. Oh no, I thought. They haven’t put real depth into this game, it’s just another gimmick. Where was the innovation?


Lookin’ for some hot stuff baby this evening (sorry, my e-singing voice is terrible.) As a side note, KILL IT WITH FIRE.

As soon as I was freely able to use the menu, innovation stopped playing digital peekaboo. The menu had to be one of the most simple, yet greatest game menus I had ever seen. It was a PDA, with full touch screen controls (just like many IRL) that immersed you into the hellhole of Liberty City. I was speechless. You could get directions to anywhere you wanted, literally anywhere. The game was idiot proof, which again baffled me; it should’ve attracted at least a million sales in the UK. Wait, I come from a Commonwealth country so I just dubbed myself a moron. And here you are reading my work, lol. But yeah, the GPS was…to use one word, convenient. There was no issue of direction, a prime reason why the franchise does not appeal to me. Also, as if we didn’t need any more dumbing down, it was colour coded. Drug dealers are blue; turf Drug dealers green, Rampages red, other menial tasks blue, and missions yellow. Clearly, Rockstar was thinking when they made such an expansive world. The only thing that would have impressed me more was multiple routes, but I’m not quite sure the DS is capable of it. Maybe Rockstar can surprise me next time, if there is a next time.

Aside from a brilliant world map, the PDA boasted the games’ clean, to the point mission system. No longer would you have to seek an NPC out if you wanted bring them a ‘welcoming’ gift, or kill some people for him. No, you just find out exactly what they want via email, touch once, and you get directions for them. Simple, yet effective use of the touch screen, something only a handful of DS games have - that is, developers with common sense. If you wish to know how you’re going and see how awesome your stats are in the murdering department, it’s just a touch away. Instead of the pointless finding and entering of various Ammunations in previous titles, Ammunation serves as a website delivering barely legal weaponry right to your door. Nothing says Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday than the 1st amendment ready to pick up with a click.


Forcing cars to start, pwning people with ridiculous weapons and close ups of uggos. And people were saying that this GTA would be completely different to the rest of them...

But the PDA is not the games’ only good use of the touch screen. When I made sure that Huang was not a sitting Peking duck, I thought that the game would mostly consist of a tap here or a tap there and that would be it in the touching department. But again, Rockstar surprised me with their common sense and ability to get me involved in the games’ world. As far as I knew until this point, all GTAs produced so far let you jump into a parked car as if someone put a ribbon on it for you and you just guessed a major city in Malaysia on Wheel of Fortune (Kuala Lumpur, for those that are interested.) But in Chinatown Wars, it’s not so easy. Like IRL, you can’t just jump into a parked car and expect it to start. No, you have to use your kung fu skillz to get it going. All depending on the make of the vehicle, a different method of ignition is needed, with old vehicles needing you to jam a screwdriver to start them, moderately new ones needing hot wiring, and the very latest makes need you to hack into the alarm system (technology or racial statement by Rockstar that CJ couldn’t do it? You decide.)

Aside from finally giving GTA its name, the touch screen can also be used for various missions and menial tasks. Wish to hack into a police computer to deliver your own form of justice to scumbags? No problem. Want to save a life by electrocuting people with the Jaws of Life even though you have no medical experience? Sure. Want to tattoo people worse than Chopper Reid? Go ahead. The most hilarious use of the touch screen I found was making Molotov cocktails at the Gas Station. Is the clerk blind to what you’re trying to do, or is he just scared at what a crazy Chinaman might do with explosives in his store? Either way, I want a free Slurpee projectiles form a large part of the missions in Chinatown Wars, and using them to put someone into a fiery grave or destroy CP incriminating evidence is as easy as a flick of the stylus.


Soldier’s Plaza? Looks more like the Louvre to me, non?

As well as the expansive use of the touchscreen in GTA: CW, the buttons are simple and to the point. I have no idea why they did not include the simple and effective way or poppin’ someone while driving found in this title in the console versions. Nobody wants to hold down L while shooting or press L3 or God knows what. Why could they just have you press A, like in this version? It’s simpler, and you can concentrate on driving so you don’t hit a cop and freaking have to start the mission all over again. Aiming is still done with the R trigger, shooting still with A, switching weapons is L, and the accelerating, jacking and decelerating buttons still remain the same. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it is what I say (except for that really annoying drive-by thing.)

Just about the only pseudo criticism I have of Chinatown Wars is the radio stations. I would have been immensely pleased for the radio stations to have voice acting; a staple of the franchise was the ridiculous, over-the-top DJs and adverts parodying American culture more effectively than the games' environment ever could. It seems a disappointment that other companies with smaller budgets can produce 256 Mbit games and yet GTA: CW cannot, and only has about five radio stations consisting only of instrumentals (they are of nice quality, but I was left wanting moar.) Perhaps they could've added some voice acting to the radio stations and made the game larger? I sincerely would have been happy with just a little. It had been in development for a long time, I'm sure it would have made many fans pleased and wiped the smirks off all those GFX whores' faces. Other than that, the over-the-top NPC voice acting is vintage GTA, sublime and a delicate mixture of hilarious and realistic. It does not seem like they've cut corners on it; perhaps Rockstar had constraints and invested in that particular aspect over the radio mechanic? Either way, the lack of voices on the radio was the only thing that was not trademark GTA, and just about the only thing I definitely would have liked to see while playing. It's slightly frustrating to listen to radio with no voices; there's something distinctly inhuman and unrealistic about it, which is, in my opinion, against what GTA is trying to achieve. I mean, it's radio for Confucius' sake.

It is now about 2,000 words into my monologue, and I have yet to discuss the most addictive and awesome side-quest of the game; drug dealing. In San Andreas, if you saw a drug dealer, you would have to pop them, you couldn’t buy or sell them shiz, because the Grove wasn’t down with that, aight? They gangbang, murder innocent bystanders and waste other gang members, but no drug dealing, ok? It’s the worst thing in the world. Now, in CW, Huang Lee does not have such inexplicable morals. He can happily sell and buy drugs from a variety of outrageous dialogue possessing dealers all over Liberty City. All the big drugs are covered, which probably made the concerned mother asphyxiate when she saw such travesty on the same handheld as her daughters’ Crapz Petz Bratz Imaginez POSz. You find ‘em cheap via e-mail, then sell them to a desperate mogul for ??? and PROFIT!!! Certain missions require you to get some as a present to the NPCs that Huang is doing favours for, and you could always just hijack a drug van and slash it apart with the stylus for free narcotics.


Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye…

My personal favourite mission of GTA was the creating and using of a sniper gun. There’s just something…rewarding about making your own HEADSHOT weapon to JFK someone (too soon?) Even more rewarding, stupid as it sounds, is waiting for the person described to appear and the wasting the wrong person and then chasing after the right person and then wasting them too. Almost as fun as murdering a drug dealer after getting your fill from them, or stealing a grand off of an NPC because they called you a gook. Wholesome fun for the whole family in pixel form.

This leads me to the only non-discussed aspect of GTA: CW; the graphics of the title. First, I must get something out of the way, and if I could plaster it onto people’s foreheads ala Sony, I would. This is not a top-down GTA. I repeat, this is not a top down GTA. The camera of Chinatown Wars seemed to me to be an aerial one, more of a hybrid of the top-down and 3rd person variety. It is rotateable via the L button, and centres and rotates itself depending on the situation. Also, what really made my jaw drop and my worst fears ebb away that this was another cash cow for Rockstar to milk was the intimate, loving detail of the title. If you ever play it, just stop, without killing anyone, for a moment, and have a look at the place. There are street signs and adverts with little inside jokes in them. There are people who buy knick knacks and open their ridiculously sissy umbrellas when it starts raining. There are cops bashing criminals to death, there are gangs who will pop you just for looking at them funny even though you have no visible eyes. Even the pixelated humans in Liberty city have some shaders applied to them and various palettes. There are particle effects like smoke and fire and explosions which IMO, rival some of the early titles in the franchise. Truly, it is a breathtaking yet cell-shaded environment. The DS could do no better, let’s face it. But what CW did was taken the best that the DS had to offer, put it in one game, and let you be immersed by it. Clearly Rockstar takes pride in their games and doesn’t make sovelware to cash in on unsuspecting ‘casual gamers’ like some *coughprinceofpersiadsubisoftcoughcough* Sorry, I have an e-cold. Only cure is to get a life, which I probably won’t be doing anytime too soon.

Look, that pretty much wraps up what I have to say about GTA. I thought of this wordy description as more of a rant than a review. So, I’m not going to give the scores typical of this website. (I know that the moderator may come at me with a pitchfork and a torch, but that is a risk I’m willing to take.) I want you to go out and play GTA and make up your own. Really, it doesn’t matter what I have to say, your opinion is just as valid as mine. Just do me a favour and actually invest some time in GTA: CW, because it is a groundbreaking DS game in my humble perspective that is definitely too deep for any score that any website can give it, and please, play it for more than five minutes before you judge. It may surprise you. It certainly surprised me.

Ok, I'll bite, but only because its a formality around these here parts:

Presentation: 10/10. The story may not be a hit with GTA veterans, as it focuses more on ridiculousness than character development, but this made Chinatown Wars a hit with me. Rockstar finally stopped taking hemselves so seriously /SARCASM. The GUI is clean, and simple, and the game presents itself quite tidily, nothing like the top-down GTAs that everyone keeps comparing it to.

Graphics: 9/10. Im seriously tempted to put 11/10 for all those "hardcore" gamers out there. Particle effects, full day and night system, explosions, fire, water, meticulous detail in spades. Beautiful. Only quarrel I have that does not yield a perfect score is the lack of detail in faces. Would it kill them to add it, they already did so much? It's creepy, srsly.

Sound: 8/10. Inconsistent. Vintage GTA in some places (NPC voice acting, radio music tracks.) But a lack of DJs, and less stations when GTA had the budget to cater for all of these things yields a good, but not great score.

Gameplay: 10/10 The touchscreen is not a gimmick. The touchscreen is not a gimmick. The touchscreen is not a gimmick. Milhouse is not a meme The touchscreen is not a gimmick. Keeps to all classic GTA mechanics: killing, murdering, stabbing, jacking, stealing, shooting and jacking. Fun to say the least.

Lasting Appeal: 9/10. It can get slightly boring after finishing for those of you that dont like to show off on Wi-fi or can't. For those that do and can, whatever sinks your helicopter with a rocket launcher. But for me, it wasn't too appealing doing menial tasks and repeating missions, even with wi-fi. Nevertheless, Chinatown Wars remains one of those DS games that you dont toss away once you're finished. Mario Kart and Pokemon D/P/P eat your heart out.

Overall: 46/50. Funny, I said I wouldn't be the average reviewer, but I ended up being just like them score-wise. Only conclusion to make is that GTA: CW is a game that is universally good even in the face of opposing biases.

But please, don't let my scores affect you, and go play this game. Seriously.

All pictures are trademarks of their respective websites and companies. I do not condone or endorse this behaviour in any way, except when someone steals your iPod.

 

Excellent Review https://www.romulation.org/forum/index.php?topic=4904.0

 

Added scores. There, you broke my resolve for this game.

 

very good

BTW, what is your fav random mission? i liked killing prostitutes

 

Definitely the flamethrower mission with those Irishmen. Don't know why.

 

My favorite part of the game is when you start- Steal cop car, ditch cops, take on arsenic vigilante mission, run over nubs, take flamethrower, FUN TIME!!!

 

don't wordking with the game?? WHY

 

Nice DomeFossil! I love this review, very witty and very detailed.

 

i tried d.loading it from here with my sdhc r4 and it said some crap about not reading the memory

 

Wow, spectacular review. I think I'll go and get myself a copy of the game now. =P

 

This is one of the best GTA:CW reviews I've read up until now.

and good ratings too...

So what's the next game you're gonna review next?

 

Wonderful review. I've played the game a bit, and I find myself dealing drugs and buying safehouses.

Why? I wanna be able to survive a 6 star chase at SOME point, no?

 

The drug dealing is addicting as crack!
It totally reminds me of Dopewars.

I find myself waiting for a good opportunity to buy up cocaine, when there's a special deal, and make that my currency, and then just stash that until I get another email saying that some college kids want to buy it.

I don't know about you, but I get nervous as hell driving around in a beat up taxi with 40 bags of coke...trying to make it back to my safehouse in one piece.

 

I am thinking of doing Soma Bringer next, would anyone want to read that?

 

Hey DomeFossil, great review. That was reeeeaaalllly long though but awesome. I totally agree with you. GO CHINATOWN WARS!

 

After reading your fine and extended review I downloaded the game and started playing.

It really got their hooks into me. I played it the first day for almost 8 hours straight. I'm almost done with the game but as you said: it not a game ya throw away after finishing it.

I'm sure to read your next review with great pleasure 8)

 

hey black dragon 1, here are some cool cheats and tips you might want to check out! complete five ways of paramedic missions in a row with 100% success rate to get infinite sprint (to get an ambulance car, kill some people then ambulance will come. steal their car and you can put it in your garage). save after you do each successful mission. turn off if you don't do a mission successfuly and retry it. also, for double armour complete 5 waves of vigilante missions. i'll come back to u in a sec black dragon 1.

 

Thanx for the tips. 8)

I'm sure to try them.
I believe I heard something about fireproof after finishing 5 rounds of putting out fires? ???

I'll let you know if it's true

 

dude, that's true! that's actually the first thing i got before infinite sprint. I love just going crazy with flamethrower! That also makes arson vigilante missions really funny as people try to set you on fire and you just stand there! To get a police car, just shoot people and you'll get your wanted level. steal the police car (shoot them in the car if they try to pull out) and put it in your safehouse and save so you have no more wanted level! OK, now for some actual cheats, not hints. The most useful cheat i can give you is R UP A DOWN LEFT R A RIGHT and that gives you flamethrower, taser (this is a really fun weapon), dual pistol, SMG and Assualt rifle.
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btw black dragon 1, you have to do more than 5 firefighter missions to get a gold medal and become fireproof. Also, the weapons cheat i gave you will disable autosave (after you do a mission, it will automatically save, but if you cheat and save at your house, after every completed mission you have to manually save at your house). It will also affect your "number of times cheated" stat. I regularly cheat and save because it's not much bother having to drive back to a safehouse after a mission and cheats make the game more fun. Now, for more cheats! L R X Y A B UP DOWN will make your pistol explosive (like rocket launcher). With dual pistol, it's like it's an automatic rocket launcher! That's also another awesome cheat! Now, this is a very handy cheat coming up: R X X Y Y R L L.
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That cheat from above lowers your wanted level which is especially handy if you've got a 3 or more star wanted level or if you're about to deal drugs. Oh and also, the R UP A DOWN LEFT R A RIGHT also gives you 99 molotovs which is slightly unrealistic.

 

Thanx a lot.
I'm sure to try them tonight.
See you later