Fanfiction review, please? D:

Hi, guys, I'm sorry for not having coming here for during a while... ^^;

Anyways, today, I would like your help. :3

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5555717/1/Twilight_Symphonia_las_Abyss

My friend created her storyline crossover with around last November or December, I think, but during month later, nobodies giving her a review, but me...

She stopped going there because there aren't much of reviews in there, so I want to help her and support her as much as I can...

So, I would like to ask, but you don't have to. ^^ Please read her storyline once you have time. :3 but leaving a little reviews would be a GREAT help. A lot. :3

Here is the link if you're from Fanfiction. ^^

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5555717/1/Twilight_Symphonia_las_Abyss

You don't have to read it or review, but it would help a lot...

( If you do, I'll give you 5 cookies. :3 )

Thank you. :3

 

I clicked on the first link out of curiosity, and was quickly assaulted by a myriad of grammatical errors. If the title of the first chapter isn't spelled right...

I read the first few paragraphs, then stopped. My first impression: a poorly written child's fantasy. Putting your desires, dreams, and little wishes into your writing is good and all, but do it in a way that doesn't strike the reader as painfully juvenile?

 

Well, she was trying her best, besites, she isn't good at english, but I was helping her so, and she was trying ti improve it.

I might do whatever I can to help her though, but now that she've improved, she still want to create her own storyline and so.

 

My friends who are fourteen-year-old girls would totally kick your ass if they saw this, man.

 

lol you got that right

 

Are they Twilight fans? -.-
If yes, then they don't exist and they're not likely to kick his ass... What are they going to do? Manage to get a sparkly vampire out of thin air?

*Pokémon Scenario*

The Sun is Strong.

EDWARD! USE SPARKLE!!

*Edward shows his skin to the sun*

The Wild Admin Seph's accuracy fell!

Yeah.. Fail..

 

Um, guys... She doesn't meant the story of Twilight... She meant the Dawn of morning and night between Tales of Symphonia and Tales of the Abyss... Not a Twilight...

Also, she's just... a fan of Digimon and try to involve with ToS and TotA.

She has a different storyline which actually... kinda REALLY mature, but the one she post on is that she trying her best with just... For a normal storyline like normally, meaning that it's more like a age of 13 or up.

 

Well, all of my friends who are fourteen-year-old girls are the really violent type, that hates even being lumped in with anything super "girly" and thus lame. Even if you didn't say all fourteen-year-old girls are Twilight/digimon/Tales of fans.

Anyway, Giga, how's your friend doing? Seeing as she enjoys writing so much, is she part of any writer's clubs or anything? Does she have an older writer friend that could help her? I've never been to a writer's workshop but it might be worth a try.

 

She does, well, she wasn't interest of a club, but she had a teacher during class time to help her, but also I did helping her while she needs to learn her grammer, so, our teacher and I am all she has. We were trying our best, by the way, thanks for asking. ^^

Of course, I kinda find that Twilight storyline pretty lame, but she isn't interesting of Twilight. XD

 

Oh wow, she has a teacher trying to help her? That's pretty cool! I wouldn't think she'd be able to find someone like that since it's hard to find English teachers that are both into Tales of and Digimon at the same time. (At least in my experience.)

Something that helps me are breaks after writing, maybe half an hour. Then I look back at whatever I wrote. You know those breaks are really refreshing, and it really makes it a lot easier to pinpoint spots that could be improved. Of course, whenever I do this I'm always a bit traumatised afterward... "Holy shit I wrote THIS?! IT MUST BE PURGED!" But on the other hand you do learn and improve your writing.

Does she have an outline of the story? Before writing, you should do an outline. That way it'll be easier to make major changes to the storyline, yeah? Like, you're on page 43, but then decide you want to change something in page 5, but then you have to rewrite all the pages after 5... Yeah.

 

Yup, she does, dude, she's pretty amazing for grammer and written. And didn't think she's a fan of those, too, beside of that. :3 She still have a lot to learn, but she still got me and her teacher because we need to teacher her before going to college. But for the time, she improved really well. But still not fully train to learn to write grammer yet.

Yup, that's true, some people find that way, but some are not. ^^ Ah, really? XD Seem like that you're in a bit surprise. XD

An outline? Hmm, I see, thanks, dude, I'll tell her, I'd appericate it. :3

 

I'll leave the grammar out since it seems to have bit hit on quite accurately by the others. Her story line seems to have been picked out of one of those fantasy stories that have been woven so many times that they have all but become cliche.

In my case, I have a look at my story at dawn, when I'm still yawning and getting a few bumps on my head (from hitting stuff around the house). You might not have the urge to look at what you have written at that time, but when you do, you can be ashamed of yourself sometimes. Tell her to give it a try. Imagine at that time (dawn) that she was reading another person's writing. A good way to proofread your own work. Of course your first words might be "What the !@#@! was I thinking when I wrote that!" But in the end it pays off. Hope I helped out a little bit.

 

I've already had the pleasure of reviewing some original work here on the forum. I can't be bothered finding a link at the moment, but it's hearty food for thought.

Let's not dig that hole any deeper.

...Not like that, you charlatans.

 

So, your brother likes hanging around little girls, eh? Does it run in the family? After all, as they say, it's all relative...

You really make this too easy.