Depression? Bi-polar? What is wrong with me?

Well, for quiet a long time now i have been having problems... Im 15 and i just feel like ive lost the point of having life. Im in grade 10 and pretty much since grade 3 ive been having to put up with years of rascism, harasment. Just endless days of asian this asian that (i am half asian) fatboy this fatboy that. Your probably thinking "So what?" This guy is just a weak noob. Well im not. After a while all that just kind of sinks into you and it feels like you just want to end it all to stop the pain. And no im not suicidal, and never planning to be no matter what. Im always going in and out of depression and constantly having mental breakdowns. I have what ive been told is Supressed Anger. Its basicaly like wanting to tear someones head off but just swallowing the urge and go on with your life. The easyest way of putting it is think of me as an egg, if i get frustrated i kind of "crack" and some of the anger gets out. Just recently i lashed out at one of my best friends. I just felt so bad afterwards that i punched one of the lockers at school and sprained my hand. I dont think i could ever forgive myself for what i have done to him. All my friends know me as the nice guy that isnt afraid to try new things. I love meeting new people and hanging out with friends. After that incident, i dont think i will be able to do that anymore.

Anyway. I have decided to publish my story here and seek help of the community. I just dont trust them psyciatrists/shrinks, whatever. Please take this seriously and dont laugh. I Would get very upset if you did. I thank you all in advance.
Best of luck,
AcroneSF

 

ok, it was just a thought. I have tried the school guidance counselor. Wasnt much help.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I just think that the bullying is making you very sad and angry and you want to just release the anger.

I think it's very unfair that you get treated like crap just because of your race or image.

You just have to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Right now your 15, that's when things seem to be at their worst. Don't worry too much, because when you start to think there is a problem with you, that's when bully's finally win the battle.

Don't let them win.

 

Thanks for the reply. Although i just want it to end. The bullies will never leave me alone! I reported them straight to the pricipal of the school, he just talked to the guy and the next day he pegged a cricket ball at me. Teachers at the school dont do much. I was so close to kicking in one guys head. I got suspended for it. And they wondered why i did it.

 

I know, it seems so unfair doesn't it?

Eventually these stupid bullies leave school because they're so stupid. And you eventually do get a break while your at school.

It seems really bad at the moment for you, pegging a cricket ball at someone's head is f**cked up! If I were you I'd honestly go to the police. It may scare the bullies and their parents.

 

i might consider it. Anyway thanks for your replys loony and sexywogboy. I am about to head off to bed, Ill read further replys tomorrow. Night

Further comments appreciated.
Post Merge: [time]1249474626[/time]
Another thing. I like to keep things simple. Involving police would just cause more problems. Anyway, night.

 

Actually I won't do that. If done wrong, it would result in more bullying, probably in other form. Internet bullying anyone? Dunno though, because I've never been bullied that much. I'll do some googling for similar cases for now.

 

Hmm, bullies... I used to be one myself I regret that, a lot.
Here's a suggestion, beat the crap out of them, wait. Don't do that, it'll make it worse.
Are your friends real friends? As in stand up for you when your getting dissed or something? It helps if you have that, but if you don't then try actually talking to them (I doubt it would work but hey worth a try right?)
Also I know how you feel like psychologists and shit, I've had to see at least 5 different one's in the past two years :-\ they don't help much either.

 

...Hrm

You sound simerlar to me-unlike you my bullies ended up all lonely...and became friends with me strangly enough...

Do not think you have troubles just because "dicks" are picking on you-I have REAL problems-and if I were at your school-they would turn on me in an instant.


My suggestion-speak to teachers, principal-everyone in authority at your school...

Now-personally if it's pysical-and no one is getting involved-GET the police/parents/biggest group of friends down onto them!


These punks may never learn-if they are pulled out of your school enviroment then good-getting rid of them may help.


If you want to avoid bringing in a whole lot of people in, then, I would sadly suggest, move schools-personally it's not the best move-but for those who don't like having thier own "protection", then do that...


Just remember-while this may seem to be a tough time-do not let this bother you-it shall pass in time, stay strong, never back down...

But remember-who are your friends (refering to your "lash out")-if they give a dam then before you let loose-do they care?

That's what I do to hold back, and then focus on something else...



DO NOT lash out at trusted friends-I lost the best friend I ever made because of a bad situation in which they learnt to not just hate me-but to fear me, it was not intentional, and I NEVER saw the consequences until the crap rained down onto me...


Sure-since then I learnt who my real friends are-those who know the story and forgave me-and those who know exactly why it happened...

Be thankful with what you have there-if they are upset by what you done-apoligise-make it count-and make a mental note to never do it again-if they fear you, apoligise, back off, then ease back in...


...I could always suggest me and my mates come down and give them a good talking-but that wouldn't be fair to them ethier (we are much older...and more...experienced) so...


BEST ADVICE-tell police-seems like a lot but if the system is failing you you go higher up the ladder...

BTW-you did tell your parents about this right-they will have to take action-what parent would let this injustice go on!


My farther would have taken them all on-regardless of the consequences (wouldn't be the first time-out of no where some kid was beating on another-he advised the punk to back off-imedietly a fight broke out-lucky the punk backed off-he thought he had a chance-but my dad NEVER backs down).


Nethier do I-now I admit this...isn't the best place to ask, I think you will find a fair bit of support here-just avoid them where possible without going out of your way-if they persist-go back to teachers or principal-if that fails your parents will take action...


If they are removed from school that can help-hell if they mug you at school one day I'd get a restraining order on them punks!


...excuse if I made little sence-I get mad at bullies



Anyway-do not be scared to go higher than school-and parents can help if they give a dam about you man...just don't do any fighting back...you will only lower yourself to thier standards.

 

I think I'd change my opinion after some googling.

http://www.bullying.org/
Good luck Acrone.

 

I thank you all for your replys and advice. Hm.. What are the odds of getting a restraining order against them?

 

Good Luck to you.

 

Take up something like boxing to relieve stress, it can also help with dealing with bullies if you want to sink down to their level

 

It's called life... By years 11 and 12 people will be too busy with work to bother bullying you anyway.
If they still do, well get the police onto em then move on, it's not like your not gonna come across another bad "spot" in your life soon enough.

 

Lose weight and try to change everything about you, that you think causes people to dislike you. I'm asian in a white dominated school, some people don't like me and I live with it.

 

agreed with cjdogger take up boxing or some kind of physical activity that you enjoy it helps with stress
even jogging on a daily basis outside helps

i dont agree with changing everything about you that causes people to dislike you as porno*trash said
regardless of what you change someone will always have a problem with you