Death of a family member

I haven't been around much lately due to the passing of my father. We laid him to rest yesterday afternoon, and was demonized by my family and others for not showing any sadness at his funeral or any other time. I have no idea where they are coming from on this one, I do very much so mourn my fathers passing, but they think it bothered me one point because I never broke down and cryed.Is crying really the only way to mourn someone? Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.

 

Crying is one way & often the most recognized way.

I remember when my grandmom passed away way back in high school, we, my mom & I spent a whole week in our provincial home for her funeral rites & the whole six days I was there me & my cousins were all laughing & having fun as if it were just a regular family gathering, but when it was already time to send her on her way to the cemetery I was crying like a cow being slaughtered :-[

The point is, often times when you're very much attached to the dearly departed you really can't avoid crying during or after the ceremony.

As for what your relatives showed during your father's funeral, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think once things cool down you should sit down with them & discuss things because maybe they have issues with your father that's why they were detached during the ceremony.

 

Er, maybe I worded it wrongly, but my family was the one telling me I was being detached because I didn't cry =p

 

hmm...on my fathers last days im crying at the hospital seeing him with so many tubes sticked on him
but when its time to buty him i didnt cry in public but i did cry

 

I don't cry for the dead, I myself am glad people die one day mainly because when you get old it becomes to difficult to live day, if you die young at least your not in any pain and crying over it is useless its not going to bring them back my motto is "Go forth and live your life and die without regrets".

Nuff said.

 

Emotions vary from person to person. Mourning someone does not always involve crying. Mourning someone involves mostly missing them.

Like for me, when someone dies it takes a long time for me to actually cry, I do break down as in, like, the state of devastation. I often times just end up doing nothing for about a day then go on until I remember it again.

Oh, seeing someone in a hospital bed deathly ill would probably make me cry right away moreso than the death. That's just me though.

 

Natewlie has the idea dead on, it's not the act of crying per se, but the idea of an important person in youe life no longer being with you & I have to agree with Giro as well, quite frankly death isn't something we should be really too upset about as it's just a part of life, we were born on this earth & we also die when the time comes.

And yeah data, your wording kinda misled me.

 

I think it's the opposite. Death IS something we should be upset about especially if it's a loved one. Sure it's nature and all but that person cannot be replaced. Even though life is limited it's also irreplaceable and it should make anyone upset. It's not like:

"Your best friend died"
'Oh, meh, cycle of life'

This is coming from someone who has been nearly desensitized by death from so much exposure to it. I'm still not used to it and it worries me which of the people I know will pass on, I don't worry about it all the time but when people get really sick, it worries me.

 

As said before, crying isn't necessary for mourning. The fact you're thinking of your father alot is proof enough to show you're mourning.

Past can't be changed. Remember your loved people and they won't die completely.
Every single thing your father showed you, is a part of him that will live on in you.

 

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I for one don't want people to fuss over me when I die. I have given EXPLICIT instructions to my relatives regarding this:

1. The instance I die, there will be NO word of it to people who know me, this includes you nice folks here at RomUlation. It's not that I'm an ungrateful bastard, I just don't want people to know.

2. The only "Funeral Arrangement" I ask is that my death certificate be filled out and there will be NO Funeral arrangements (having my body embalmed, buying a coffin, etcetera) EXCEPT for my remains being cremated & my ashes put in three containers, one of which will have my ashes be set adrift in Manila Bay so it can go out into the ocean, the second be taken to Cagayan & set adrift in the strong breeze coming from the South China sea & the last, to be scattered in the streets of a certain place that has significant meaning to me. Why the ludicrous arrangement you ask? I believe in re-incarnation & if I may be re-incarnated, I want to comeback in one specific place very dear to me, or be re-incarnated somewhere nicer like in Japan, America or Europe

3. Aside from my death certificate & record in the national Census Bureau (We call that The National Statistics Office or NSO here), there will be no records of my existence to be made such as a tombstone, persuant to instruction number one.

4. All of my material & liquid assets shall be donated to a special needs orphanage, if & when I find one.

5. Failure to comply, especially with number 2 since I live in a country where cremation isn't widely accepted will result in me rising from the dead & haunting my relatives & their children's children for all eternity.

 

damn you, hehehe, you want to rise up and scare the shit out of your relatives if they dont comply? hehehe.

and i dont get it, if you believe in reincarnation and reincarnated, dont you want to get those you left behind? like those egyptians burying their treasures so that they can use it in the afterlife?

also, pls dont litter your ashes in the sea, air and land, you died polluting the earth. hehehe ( just kidding

 

You seem to not understand what reincarnation is.

It's different from a ressurection or an everlasting life in an afterlife.

But before I continue, ardent Atheists skip this post altogether, I only meant to reply to explain something I believe in. We are free to think & believe anything we want so if you think my beliefs are illogical & "wrong", please keep your thoughts to yourselves.

So here we go.

In ressurection, it's kinda like with zombies, you "awaken" from death as if you were just asleep & is taken up into the christian heaven.

In any afterlife "explanation" when we die, we're thought of as being taken into another place where we live out in a place filled with rewards if we were good or in a place of eternal damnation if we were bad. However in some cases like with the Egyptians & the ancient chinese, they belive this afterlife is similar to "this" life we have now, where they may need "stuff" in order to live, so the Egyptians buried their Aristocrats in pyramids with things they might need in the afterlife. With the chinese, they burn "Dead man's money" & a "dead person's house/shrine" that will be taken up into heaven for them to use. Incidentally, we here have a similar tradition, a coin is placed in one of the dead person's hands for them to use as fare for being taken to heaven (or hell) & in another, a coin is placed each on both eyelids of the dead so as to prevent them from suddenly "waking" up during the Funeral services, ROFL!

In reincarnation, basically you die, but your spirit remains on earth & is reborn onto another form, either plant or animal in a never ending cycle of life & death. Although in the Hindu belief structure, you only get to reincarnate a certain amount of times, or you continue to reincarnate until you fulfill a goal your spirit desires to fulfill which then ables the spirit to be able to go to Nirvana which is the equivalent of the Judea-Christian heaven.

As for Scattering my ashes? Watch the movie "Little Buddha" so you can understand why.

 

We're getting off topic, but I'd prefer reincarnation over my own belief (Christianity, eternal grace or damnation), but sadly I can't. This world is beautiful....

You weren't wrong for not crying, but it is strange. I can understand your family for saying you were detached for not crying, but they're (thankfully) wrong. Most people can't understand when emotions don't mimic their own, so when they don't see you showing sorrow in the same way as them, well, they naturally think you have none.

I'm very sorry about this happening... Stuff like this is personally painful for me to think about.

 

Nah, it's perfectly OK for you to NOT cry. Everyone has their own way of coping with loss. I may have shed a tear or two when people close to me passed away, but I'm not a person who wallows in grief.

 

Your folks were a bit unsensitive to you, but they should understand that mourning doesn't always involve crying. The main thing is that you remember the person and don't let him/her die in your heart.

As the above posters said, everyone has his own way of dealing with the loss of a loved one.

 

No person can question how you deal with that. You have done the right thing by being yourself and dealing with it your way. You are not crazy.

 

You should tell your parents what you really feel and that you really do care. They should understand.

 

First of all, sorry for you loss.

I don't think it is strange not to cry when you lose somebody. Everybody has their own way of dealing with loss, and this is yours.

I do think that your relatives are overreacting (which makes sense as they are also dealing with loss). They have no right to say how you should deal with this. Just see it as a temporary thing, as they are also emotionally affected.