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Chuck Norris jokes

Discussion in 'Forum Games, Jokes & Random' started by gameace99, Dec 2, 2008.

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  1. gameace99

    gameace99 Active Member

    ok. Everyone post their favorite Chuck Nortis jokes. This will be funny! I will start...
    What is the fastest way to a man's heart? Chuck Norris' fist
     
  2. Born2killx

    Born2killx Well-Known Member

    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

    I win. Can a global move this Forum Games, Jokes & Random?
     
  3. gameace99

    gameace99 Active Member

    I come on, make it fun and list them
     
  4. Loonylion

    Loonylion Administrator Staff Member

    old jokes are old. And lame.
     
  5. calvin_0

    calvin_0 Well-Known Member

    i dont get most of the chuck norris joke........
     
  6. captainbitter

    captainbitter Well-Known Member

    Chuck Norris was once challenged to a pissing contest.
    He won when the other guy drowned.

    Chuck Norris once entered a contest to eat 10 pounds of steak in one hour. He won, and spent the remaining 50 minutes nailing the waitress.

    Chuck Norris has won the Indianappolis 500 every single time since it's inception. Everyone is too afraid to tell him he needs to be in a car.

    Chuck Norris once ate Pop rocks, mentos, warm diet coke, and 6 Chipotle burritos in a sitting. He is no longer allowed in Chernobyl.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. He just doesn't want to.

    Chuck Norris can cause a woman's bra to unclasp merely my pointing at her and saying "Booyah!"

    Chuck Norris decided that he could sell his urine as an energy drink. Thus, Red Bull was born.
     
  7. cjdogger

    cjdogger Guest

    ...
    Chuck Norris sucks...

    Think of this as a joke if you wish...
     
  8. hi1116

    hi1116 Well-Known Member

    i know this is old but..

    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
     
  9. gamblore101

    gamblore101 Well-Known Member

    girl: "nothing can beat friendship not even chuck Norris"
    Guys: "Blasphemy!, these are the worst strippers ever"

    joke from yu gi oh abridged by little kuriboh
     
  10. rocklee823

    rocklee823 Well-Known Member

    Chuck Norris can defeat any fighter, except Ranma ... for obvious reasons
     
  11. gamblore101

    gamblore101 Well-Known Member

    *
    Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
    Cancel rating
    The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

    Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

    In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America".

    If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.

    The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

    Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

    Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

    One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

    Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

    Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.


    Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.

    Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

    It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

    Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

    Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
     
  12. TAYLOR2O

    TAYLOR2O Well-Known Member

    Chuck Norris once had sex in the back of a truck, thus Optimus Prime was born
     
  13. ybom

    ybom Well-Known Member

    And now we know why Starscream is such a little b*
     
  14. cjdogger

    cjdogger Guest

    Chuck Norris is a huge faggot.
    We've had another thread like this and it was locked.
    This is going to recieve the same fate.

    LOCKED.
     
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